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Wednesday, January 18, 2006 / 8:46 PM
i need a guru, a psychiatrist and a whole truck of self-help books All right, "real" tutorials have finally began last week. It was a totally weird feeling, jostling among the throngs of people in different uniforms, desperately trying to fit in and to belong to a clique or a group. Goodness gracious, it just feels superficial and unreal, cos you don't want to be slapping on an ingenuine smile and facing the world. But then again, what else can you possibly do? PAE is just like that. Orientation is just like that. Nothing phat but JUST LIKE THAT. Even i sound fake when people ask for my name, because it just doesn't feel right repeating your name so many times in front of people you don't even wanna know. I may sound like some freak- i know~~~ (-_-)... Some people may just slap on my back and tell me to freshen up and stop being such a whiner. I am not being a whiner. I just hate the fact that my friends that i truly can click with and talk to are basically five miles away from me. Unreachable. Perhaps some guru can intercept my thoughts and provide me tips on how to live my life prim and proper and to cultivate my body into a temple. However, the fact remains that i am still pretty much juxtaposed from my fantasies and reality. It always seems like my reality and results always fall short of my expectations and dreams. Just like today when i went for the CCA Orientation for Chinese Publications, i felt as minute as i can be. Even though my Chinese may have snagged an A1 and is considered "not too bad" by many teachers, the rest in the club are all China peeps! And we had to do this interview thing with our seniors and boy, was i such a sight! The girl whom i was supposed to interview was playing the role of a patient who has just recovered from cancer-- she's from China, of course--, kept laughing like crazy and wouldn't give me answers properly. Was she picking on me? Hmm~~ I thought being a Chinese journalist for the school paper would be fun but it turns out to be not that interesting anymore! GRRRR~~~~ And then there are the people whom i seriously have some communication disabilities with. Either they are Martians or it is just that i cannot be bothered. What the hell is wrong with 17 year olds who feel the immense need to talk during lectures and tutorials and people who cannot grasp the importance of being serious at your age? Sometimes it just gets on your nerves and the desire to scream at them to shut up their fat mouths simply overwhelms you. Goodness gracious, i hope those imbeciles aren't reading this entry right now. Well, in any case and even if they do chance upon this, let's just hope it won't affect them too much. Lit was totally S-L-O-W. I feel out of the world in Lit cos whatever the tutor is talking about has long been taught way back in Sec Three. Today, he even showed us a clip of Romeo and Juliet and yakked on how we could change the form of literary texts to suit the modern world and yadda yadda yadda. Sorry to say this but Miss Kaur showed it to us 2 years back. Hmm. Chinese sucks cos the teacher looks haggard and even though he is a male, he shows no enthusiasm or masculinity in class by raising his voice at those who are simply not paying attention. Not to be unfair, he did scold a few girls for sleeping blatantly in front of him. Math and econs are bland. Can't grasp the concept of econs that well yet but i shall persevere. GP was ok even though the hamburger thing was real cute. With the Chingay training and table tennis training that are usually 4 hours long, I AM EXHAUSTED. Just the other night i got home at about 11.40pm and had to wake up by 5.30am the next day. Really tired man. And right now my left knee hurts. A strain perhaps. Tmr is yet another day and i am just not looking forward to it. GP project...people...CCA..Its the time for a whole new perspective. |
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