Thursday, July 31, 2008 / 12:24 AM

Really liked this picture. Means a lot about life. Sometimes the things that we are so bothered about can come to naught in the end. So why be so particular all the time?

Enjoying the night wind. The wind is especially strong now, and as i sit beside my window typing out this entry, the wind blows on. We all know how wind is formed and for those who don't, it's not such a big deal. But a gust of wind means differently to people. It can be just a matter of pressure differences, or simply the touch of a loved one who has passed on.

Ok enough of my random talk.

Today is the bidding day and well, its going to be done in school. During orientation week! MAN I AM SO FREAKING OUT!!! I just don't feel comfortable doing it in school, without the comfort of my own house and stable and fast internet access. ARGH! All the best for the bidding of my modules. Really hope to get all the modules i want.

Feeling very flu-y now. Been sneezing and coughing the whole day. I hope i get better and get rid of that itch and weirdness in my throat and stop sounding so nasal. JIA YOU!

Monday, July 28, 2008 / 9:04 PM
spinning out of control

Who ever said that somethings will be understood by us when we grow older?

People always say that when we grow up and mature and see more, we get to understand and better appreciate things that we didn't when we were younger. Is maturity the answer key to life's questions? I certainly doubt so.

But with the willing suspension of disbelief, that statement is true only to those who believe in it. And of course, I don't fully agree to it.

I used to ask my mother how do babies come about (cliche, but still). Her reply was that they were picked up from rubbish dumps, just like me. I guess its the adult way of patronising and somewhat teasing the kids, but hey, kids are innocent and easily taken in. She said i would understand when i grow older.

There are somethings that require me to comprehend and learn fast. I cannot be a child anymore, with everyone subjecting themselves to my whims and whines. It is time to really take things in my hand and be sure of what lies ahead. Of course, it is never easy to take up a responsibility.

Right now, i feel so so so vexed, smothered, breathless and on a constant urge to break into tears whenever i think about it. I don't want to talk about anything, just want to feel some warmth and care and concern from my friends. There are times that the usually jovial and humorous Shuli may feel down and totally like shit. And the last thing she needs is to put on a brave front.

Sunday, July 27, 2008 / 2:38 AM
jc gathering

Finally we are gathered at Spaggedies at Marina Square! The last time we all met was during A Levels, where we went back to nj to collect our result slips and that was it. All the cheering and hugs were done in school and then we went our separate ways until NOW. HAHA! But i am really glad to see all my beloved jc friends before uni starts. And welcome back jiyue!

This does look like an octopus isnt it?! Except that this one only has 3 tentacles. Made it randomly at Secret Recipe with chilli sauce.

Jiyue with her hazelnut latte. Funny she didnt stir it at first and complained that it was too bitter. LOL. All the syrup was at the bottom...

Went a little cranky with jiyue's specs. Find that they look ok on me!

Yeah yet another one.

Meera and Joyce.

Michelle and Ai Ni

Somehow this shot looks a little queer. Scary eyes and pouting mouth.
Went to Vivo later with jiyue and we walked around. Whoa. I am actually quite tired. That's all for now!

Saturday, July 26, 2008 / 1:29 AM
out of the fruity loop

Seems like when you don't refresh a page fast enough, you can miss new information that is constantly being updated. You fall into the gap, you don't seem to be able to catch up. Panic seeps in, then you gradually lose control and perhaps feel a little resigned to your fate and then fail to try to achieve something.

You feel like the Bowlerman. One of the many faces in the crowd. The one who is just there. The talks of existentialism, the theory of nature versus nurture. People who just hustle along and run after the slightest thing that they find are precious. Follow plans! Make plans! Somehow the Joker got me on this one.

Murphy's Law. Heard of it? WHAT CAN GO WRONG WILL GO WRONG.

But of course, it is a theory proven by many academics and studies. However, it may not always be in place. Some activists propose positive thinking, that we control our own destiny and we shouldnt dismiss hiccups with a theory. Dumb founded.

Seeing how the story unfolds, i cannot help but want to extricate myself from this mess. Hate the methods and solutions, hate the irreverent feelings. Don't know what to think, don't know which direction am i suppose to take this from.

Sorry if this post sounds a little confusing and nonsensical. Trying to say something in an extremely beat-around-the-bush way.

Anyway, been low on my finances. Time to take a deeper look and really stop procrastinating.

Sunday, July 20, 2008 / 8:32 PM

School is starting soon. Oh boy.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008 / 12:43 AM
just talking

It really is the moon, or just the feel of the night. The velvety darkness that swirls around like a martini. Blocks of flats with dimmed lights and the distant sound of traveling cars. People on their way home at this time after long hours of work and toil, people heading home. Rooms without lights except the peaceful snores and patchwork of dreams.

Here i am, sounding melancholic once again but typing away at my laptop. Not trying to sound like some depressed writer, I love writing late at night. Especially around this time. It just makes me feel like i am the only one awake, the only one yet to delve deep into the subconscious. While others are either resting their exhausted bodies, I am working mine, staying up late. I wonder how many others are just like me right now, doing their things and wondering what others may be doing too?

It has been quite a year, although half of it has just passed. 2008 was a whirlwind and a year of firsts. I started doing relief teaching, and experienced many emotions and situations. Did things in a different way that i would have done as a student, said things to set things straight. I even got the chance to set the exam papers and see my name printed at the bottom of the front page. On my last day of work i got a HUGE bag of presents from my students, and i wasn't expecting anything. Brought only a small paper bag to retrieve all my stuff, but ended up borrowing an IKEA plastic carrier from a colleague to lug everything back. Felt frustration, anger, sadness and betrayal, but these only made life more eventful.

Chingay was a blast for me, and i totally enjoyed myself, performing my best and having such great fun at the post Chingay party. Now NDP is finally coming, and i am really excited for it. Gonna graduate from ASD this saturday, but i am pretty sure my heart stays with all my IICs and fellow buddies and comrades forever. Seen people who are ignorant, angry, depressed, stupid, pretty, ugly, smart, thin, mean, cheerful and optimistic. Man, there are a whole lot more different kinds of people.

Did some soul searching, and felt bad. Reviewed my financial records and cannot help but squirm uncomfortably at the balance. Browsed web pages and got some surprises. Like today, i didn't have a good driving lesson. The impatient and irritated tone of the female instructor almost had me to tears, but good 'ol Shuli persevered and managed to clear today's lesson. Challenges are a staple, like rice is to me. Oh i LOVE rice. Soup. Vegetables. Beef. Kimchi. Apples. Spicy food. Chicken. Magaritas. Nectarie. I'll bore you with the amount of things i can list that i really really adore and enjoy.

School is starting soon, and like most of my friends I feel a little scared yet excited. I cannot wait to see how being an undergraduate is like, with the amount of studies and work (OK i sound like a geek here) and the lectures and all. Nervous about how i am going to bid (successfully) for all my modules, get along with people, meeting new people, surviving, widening my social circle, handling all the assignments... I'm scared and worried for EVERYTHING. That's just my nature, always worrying over the slightest thing and forgetting to look out. Like when i was learning how to cycle, i had the tendency to always look at the area in front of me instead of looking far. Now i know and i will.

I guess there is no point thinking so much. Wasting brain cells and energy on unnecessary things. Efficiency here would be frowned upon by Adam Smith.

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All the love in the world, dear John