Sunday, November 21, 2010 / 10:19 PM
faith and gratitude

I think it is really important to live with gratitude everyday. Just like today, when i woke up in the morning to go for morning gongyo, enjoying the sunshine that feels so great as it falls on my skin. Although i could have slept in (i compensated with a guilty afternoon nap of 1.5 hours :( that i shouldn't have!) and well, slept till really late, i decided to wake up and get out of the house. I love Sundays like these, and i reminisce about our usual family gatherings on Sundays that we don't do anymore. Seems like a distant past.

And perhaps it's the exams period that is causing all these emotions. Really wondered how. Seems like the studying was not too consistent, such as my increasing fears for my Understanding the Universe grade. I really don't want to fail it. I am very scared that i might get a D grade or C-. Very very worried. And when i am very worried i develop severe headaches, so here is one brewing.

Gasp, the semester ends for me soon. Can't believe that just a year ago, i was this same girl preparing hard for her exams yet at the same time superbly excited about going on exchange. Haha now some other girl is like that. Wish i had done my exchange differently!

So now, with the exams resuming tomorrow for me and all the way will be a hellava ride. WOO. As youths, we must challenge ourselves right? So here is to all the challenges and difficulties

as youths, we can do anything and will surmount all

and life is never a bed of roses, but everything is in our hands.

"All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them."
Walt Disney

Friday, November 19, 2010 / 9:01 PM
so much more to life

I find that humans are all very selfish people. Not our fault, but well we are anyway. No matter how kind and generous you are, there will always be times that you will put yourself before others. I mean this is natural, and there is nothing really wrong with it. Helps you get ahead sometimes. You win some, you lose some.

And usually we don't care too much about other things in our lives as we pursue the finer things, like fame, money, status and more. Everything else seems to matter more, as we get so caught up with this paper chase that we forget about so many other things. I guess in Singapore, we have to be part of the paper chase because that is what propels us ahead and gives us a sense of false security that a degree from a local university would mean that we would somehow be able to survive and move ahead in the corporate world in Singapore. We can blame the government for being so preoccupied with meritocracy, placing everyone's worlds on the education system and grades and academic performance. Sure, the government has some fault to play for creating structures, institutions and systems, but those who experience it shouldn't have to subscribe to it wholesale.

We don't necessarily have to follow what everyone else does, like the cookie cutter. Why do we have to be the same like everyone else? Why should we have to conform to be a certain kind of citizen that the government hopes to have more of? Someone who has good education qualifications, has a stable job and income, in a marriage and has kids? Goes to NTUC and drives a modest car, exercises every weekend, wears New Balance shoes? Why do you want to be the same like everyone else? Would it hurt to be different?

Naturally, i think about the questions that i have asked above all the time. What would i be if i could be someone different, to do things that are different from what everyone else is doing and have done? Linear progression of the life course is inevitable, but the life course is not static and fixed, there are so much more to be done! And we only have one lifetime, so why, why do we want to spend it on achieving some kind of ideal that someone else has set out for us to be?

To be safe, it's always good to just CONFORM. Herding mentality, strength in numbers, blend in, be part of a group, join the majority. If you can't beat them, join them. Sounds so assuring. But isn't this some sort of identity that Betty Friedan once wrote about housewives? Some sort of linger in their hearts and a sense of alienation that begets the question: Who am i?

Going on exchange was a worthy experience, and i would have done it so much better. But in retrospect, students at McGill just have a different sense of life than we do. Singaporeans only care about their grades, their popularity, whether they can get the next top from this online blogshop, whether they are working out enough. Come on kids, there is so much more to life than those superficial obsessions that you have.

For starters, read more. Newspapers are your good sources of information, not gossip magazines or blogs. Be more engaged with the world and this helps you understand what is going on elsewhere than your immediate social environment. Then acquaint with the right people so you don't waste your life away. Too many people are in the wrong company that don't suit your interests and you get distracted. Travel more, not just to tourist spots but immerse yourselves in the local culture instead of being high and mighty and taking on a touristic gaze. Exercise, eat healthy, laugh more.

Haha but who am i to preach!

Guess it's the exam stress that is getting to me. Blabbering and typing at a super fast speed. Gotta get back to social life and i will have one after tmr.

Friday, November 12, 2010 / 3:59 PM
sleepy afternoon

Quite tired today, judging by how i slept really late at around 3am and then waking up by 8am to rush to school to return the book, only to incur a $1 fine. EEKS. Shouldn't have rushed!!

Super sleepy now, and i wonder if i should take a nap.

Sun's up, sky is bright and reminds me of the past so much. Certain whiffs in the air conjures up so much things.

Need a new hobby, and a focal point for my attention. At least for now i have some new stationery!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010 / 9:54 PM
never understood the universe

I really think that some people are just being insincere when they say one thing and do another. And i am fed up with trying to decipher signs and meanings, so just be direct!!!

Understanding the universe today was just a supernova in my world that is going to collapse into a black hole and no amount of Hawking radiation will ever escape! And even with 25 solar masses and lesser the death by black hole theory will still stand. I HATE PC1322 SUCKY MOD EVER. I will reflect my opinions. I WILL.

Anyway, i felt so pathetic today after the test that i just wanted to go back home and hide myself. :( Like to indulge in a few gamma ray bursts.

Haven't been getting much electromagnetic radiation recently, think i need some sort of cosmic expansion. The Doppler shift in me is worsening. Even Stefan-Boltzman might shake their heads in disappointment.

BAH. I think i am becoming an extra-solar planet very soon.

Okay time to move on! Ju En Cai shall be my idol.

Monday, November 08, 2010 / 1:21 AM
what will i have for my wedding?

my wedding?
  1. flowers, loads of them
  2. my own customised cake, at least 3 tiers
  3. fun and bubbly emcees
  4. several changes of outfits, and not all of them are gowns. hopefully some from vera wang!
  5. not held at a ballroom or a hotel
  6. close friends and family only, extended extended relatives will get either a customised cake from me or sit super far away
  7. Huge dom perignon, moet and chandon champagne x10, moscato x 2
  8. good food
  9. not too formal, people can mingle around
  10. fun activities, like photo shoot booth
  11. huge polaroid camera for me to take many shots
  12. photographers x 3
  13. videographer x 2
  14. pretty and practical wedding gifts
  15. customised invitation card
  16. bridal photo shoots overseas! heeeee
  17. awesome video/pictures montage
  18. pastel colours as theme, or romantic colours like pink + red + violet
  19. diamond princess cut ring from tiffany and co or van cleef & arpels
  20. century wedding hahahhaha
WELL here is a list of things that i want for my own wedding as i went to one today. Really thought of how it would be like, and well i want it to be lavish yet simple, glamourous and chic. So much for studying through the night and i have spent some time doing up this post!!!

Okay back to my books :D

Wednesday, November 03, 2010 / 11:06 PM

Had a good session with the Office of Alumni Relations this afternoon, better than i thought it would be. It was nice to be able to meet the admin people who have been so elusive to us. Now i know that there are so much more things that NUS is doing for its students other than what we already think they are doing and have done. Thumbs up!

School has been okay, still not quite engaged in revision as i would like myself to be. Quite scared actually, but there is this inertia preventing me from being on the ball. Gotta retrieve the old Shuli though. Exam for universe is next tuesday, and whoa i am scared for it even though it's open book. Too much calculations and cheeminology.

Sigh, wish i could go for the trip haha.

Anyway! School is challenging, and this is what makes life interesting and meaningful. Without challenges, what good are youths for!

Take heart in everything you do, smile more because that makes you live longer and stay healthy!

Tuesday, November 02, 2010 / 9:02 PM

Was walking to Clementi central while taking pictures!

So tired today and finally managed to run a little. Shopped a little too :P So much so that i need to live on bread for the next couple of weeks i guess.

Started my day really early as i headed to Yishun for my dental appointment. Despite researching on the possible routes there i still got a little lost, and wasted some precious fuel going around in circles. Tsk tsk. Thank goodness there was Maps on my iphone that really saved my life. This is why i so need a GPS!!!

As i am typing this entry i feel really sleepy gosh but i have to type out this painful essay part for my group essay @@!#$!@#@%#$(@#%)FDFO#$!)@!

Dinner was good, always loved what mum cooked. But the curry stained my blue braces! :( So it's now a little turquoise again! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I love my blue braces but sadly the colour has changed :( But anyway, it's good news :D

I think my blog is like a blog. Cos i blog about almost everything but mostly what happens to me. And the good thing is that i am assuming there is an audience who reads my blog, but heh lucky or not, there really isn't much of an audience anyway. Oh, and it's not that difficult to read what i am trying to say too.

Recently got to know two pieces of news, quite shocking. Friends getting attached, and suddenly all the signs made sense. Really makes me wonder what exactly is going on in the world now, or perhaps my world is the only one that doesn't makes sense. HEE. Prompted me to go on a bout of deejaying madness in the privacy of my own car.


School is coming to a close really really soon, like next week, and i am still scared. Worried for the upcoming exams too. Not too sure of myself too. Loads of reservations and hopes for the what-ifs that i should have done long ago. But hey, new clothes help mitigate EVERYTHING ;)

Have to start revision now. Mid term for universe next tuesday and so much more stuff to be done!


Monday, November 01, 2010 / 11:34 PM

This is a society that does not like any people with disabilities.
Not even when you cough like mad, sneeze, with your sickening mucus every morning.

Gawd, this is a world that only loves those who are able, who have it and who can.

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All the love in the world, dear John