Thursday, April 27, 2006 / 8:59 PM
Like a thousand lead balls have been tied onto my feet.
Like i am threading on glass.
Like drowning in ice cold water.
I AM TIRED!!!
All right. Perhaps i am making too much of a mountain out of a molehill. What can i blame but my melodramatic-ness?
Perhaps some people are right. I am indeed too tensed up but then, i don't feel that way eh.
True enough, i have lots of projects and tutorials and comcepts coming at me like a huge TIDAL wave, destroying everything in its path. Well, i think i am still coping rather okay but i just cannot help but to feel tired all the time. Why is that so? Just yesterday night, while i was revising for my Econs essay test today, i realise that i just could not keep my eyes open. Like literally. My head just felt a million tonnes and i kept dozing off in starts. It was not as if i had any PE that afternoon nor i was doing anything exhaustive but i was super TIRED.
So here i am reading one of T.S.Eliot's essays -" The Social Function of Poetry"- and trying to make sense out of this. But then, all you can see above my head is a HUGE question mark followed by several lines cascading down my forehead.HUH?!?OK...I shall calm myself down and try to understand what this big guy is yakking about. I'm positively sure there is a element of "fun" and lots of juicy intellect in this!!! *shrugs*
Well, after the PI comes the formidable and killer GPP. *applause* Wonder what are we going to do for it? Hmm...*momentary period of awkward silence*
Anyway, TGIF tmr. Really hope to get a good night's sleep.
Wonder what is that guy at the video rental shop thinking? I think he is a really good looking guy and he looks like one of the Korean actors. Shan't reveal his name in case one of u guys pop over and gives him a big scare. He is clean shaven and only speaks English but i am positively sure he is a Chinese.
Hormones are the bane of all human affections.
Friday, April 21, 2006 / 10:27 PM
smell of the rain
The rain has not stopped since it started this morning, drenching out everything in the open, slowly diminishing to a light drizzle. Kate stared out to the open space, and wondered how it would feel like to be able to go out and into the rain. To feel the rain carrying and washing away all your fatigue and sins, and to be able to feel alive once more.
Perhaps, the environment changes oneself. People can turn into totally different personalities in just a short span of time. Lovers can break up by just saying that there is no more passion between them and yadda yadda yadda. How fake!, Kate thought. Well, CHANGE is the only CONSTANT.
Diverting her attention to the small family at the bus stop opposite her flat, she sees a man and his son, accompanied by his beautiful wife. He is coaxing the toddler not to cry because he just fell on his butt. The man then proceeded to put the wailing toddler onto his shoulders and started to walk around in the bus stop, occasionally scaring the toddler by pretending to drop him. The toddler starts to smile and squeal in delight, and waves his tiny and fat hands in the air.
How wonderful to be innocent and carefree! Kate mused. But now, things have changed. A lot. All she can do now is to pray hard that the waves and tide shall carry her through.
Whoo! Finally submitted my PI. Heck man... I don't really care whether i will pass this one cos i know my PW is doomed for failure. Just take it as it comes!
Oh yeah, i took my O level cert and year book today. Resolution of the year book was PATHETIC. Not a very well edited job but thanks anyway. Had great fun hanging out with the peeps.
NAPFA tmr~Hoping to get a silver...
Thursday, April 20, 2006 / 9:54 PM
It has certainly been unusual, as Gwen's behaviour of late is giving Kate the creeps. It is not something bad or vile or what so ever, but it just makes you feel uncomfortable.
Gwen has been talking to her a lot.
Now, others would dismiss it as some girly chat between girls over guys and et cetera but Gwen just seems so sad. Like suicidal. What makes Kate confused is that why is she feeling this way? She certainly has it all, being a student councillor and also the belle of the entire school. Her studies are above average and she is in line for a scholarship. What is there to be upset about? Thousands of girls would LOVE to be in her shoes yet she is complaining of her situation. Oh my.
Well, Kate tells herself that she shall be a good confidante and just listen to what Gwen has to say. But one thing on her mind now is school work. Argh. Everything is just piling up to her neck and cutting off her air supply.
Whoo... It is getting harder to breathe in here!
Finally completed my PI. Wow. What a great feat. Hope it gets a passing grade at least. Oh yeah, i need some lessons on relationships with others. Need to get to learn to interact better.
David Tao's songs describe my feelings aptly.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006 / 8:46 PM
pearls of sorrow
Drip, drip, drip.
Splatter. Splatter. Splatter.
Kate wipes off her tears fiercely, as she wills herself not to cry anymore. It was a futile effort, for the more she tells herself not to, the harder she cries.
Why is the Heavens being so unfair to me? WHY ME???!?!?! Why must bad things always happen to me? Where did all the goodness in my life disappeared to?!!?
More tears trickled down Kate's cheeks, dampening her shirt. These pearls of sorrow seem to be coming too frequently these few days. They are almost depleting her of the ardour for each day's surprises. She feels too tired and lethargic, and almost left with no more strength to deal with each challenge that is being hurled straight into her face.
Letting out one of the many heavy sighs of the week, Kate stares into the distance.
Scores of girls with ultra stick-like and waif-like bodies strutted past, giggling madly over some mundane activity. They threw a look at her, before floating away like soul-less beings. Ahh... I wonder how is it like to be a conformist and just go with the flow, ignoring what i really want., Kate thought.
No, it is too painful. Too superficial. Almost identical to The Plastics. Going after so many things you deem cool yet to end up with NOTHING.
Such is the irony of life.
Shaking her head slowly, Kate sighed once again. It is not healthy to sigh you know, kills the mojo in you. Kills it softly and quietly, until it breathes its last in sheer agony.
Well, me thinks its time to smile again. To see the clouds become clear once again. To breathe in the smell of freshly mowed grass and to revel in simple delights.
The key to such a nirvana, is simply the state of mind.
Friday, April 14, 2006 / 9:25 PM
It feels like a worm is making its way through her heart, causing bouts of pain and agony. Kate sighs deeply, feeling the hot air escape her lungs and feels the hot tears roll down her damask cheeks.
How come i never get to do what i want? It was never about me but all the other people. It is not my feelings that matter but always someone else's!!!
Feelings of unjustice and anger overwhelmed Kate, as she tried her very best not to cry. Crying is for losers, and she does not want to be one. Afterall, the society despises cowards and useless fools who give way at the slightest difficulty.
I shall buck up!
Wow, life sometimes is really UNFAIR. Just as you thought something will mark the start of a new beginning, external forces wreck it. DESTROY IT. It was a short-lived happiness that was really sweet and wonderful. It will be something that i have always wanted to try out but now, i have to give it up.
Sheesh, will someone please help me out around here? Advice, perhaps? Gawd...
/ 12:08 AM
Love is everywhere
She looks up from her pile of notes and books, and sees a dazzling smile. The kind of smile that melts your heart and sends them into flutters.
Sadly, he is not smiling at her, but at Gwen, the perfect girl of the school. She is the one with the long silky hair; the long and slender figure; the sunflower disposition and most importantly, she has snagged the man of her dreams.
Not Gwen's, but hers. Kate's.
Of course, no one knows that. It is not as if Kate can go around telling her best buddies that she has been holding a torch for Colin all these while. Goodness, she will be drowned with comforting words like " Go on fantasising about him" and " Don't worry...You will meet the right guy someday", stuff like that. Well, she is not too bad herself, is she?
Now they are laughing over something. The twinkle in their eyes was unmistakable.
It was a sign of LOVE.
Sighing, Kate packed her bags and decided to leave. She just couldn't bear to see the guy she likes so much cosying up to his girlfriend. Talk about pure jealousy and envy. Gwen and Colin is like the uber cool couple around the school, since they are literally made for each other. Everyone loves them and well, who could possibly hate them? The both of them the most popular and got-it-all personas. Sheesh!
Carrying her backpack over her shoulders, Kate turned around and had another look at Colin. Suave, charming and absolutely irresistable. Sure, they were friends but not the close type. There was the occasional " Hi" in the hallways and assembly but nothing more than that. No emails, text messages or even online chatting. It is just that normal yet detached.
Does Colin ever pay attention to his surroundings anymore?Kate questioned, only to find it fall to the ground with a light thud, as there was simply no answer to it.
Perhaps Gwen is all that matters to him now.
Heaving yet another big sigh, Kate walked home with her friends. Colin and Gwen were surrounded with more girls and boys, chatting noisily as she left the school gate. Boy, aren't they the most famous couple around the block.
The noise faded as Kate distanced. Now she contemplates on throwing in the towel. It is too much of a tax on her life. All these thinking and swooning does no good.
She tilted her head up and looked at the setting sun, glowing over the horizon.
Gosh, I had better be on my way home.
Saturday, April 08, 2006 / 10:47 PM
the glass house
Just watched The Glass House on my computer and i must say the movie is exasperating. The way the characters act and react towards their situation and the baddies just makes me wanna yell and scream. Oh dear, what the hell?!? But then, that's the main aim of the director: make the audience angry then pacify them with a the-baddie-is-DEAD! ending. Oh well... HAHA.
Never mind about them movie cos it is kinda on a low budget and there is certainly nothing to rave about it. Oh! When i was at the MRT station, i saw someone getting trapped in the doors. He managed to extract himself from the closed doors of the train as his friend helped him to sit down. Goodness gracious, i rushed over to check if he was okay and i guess he just injured his knee. Then the SMRT personnel rushed to him and afterwhich, i promptly left the scene. Yikes, that woman screamed really loud but it is really funny how she managed to simply board the train even if she saw something so horrible and did not bother to lend a helping hand.Duh.
Guess people just don't really see what is in front of them anymore.
Thursday, April 06, 2006 / 7:22 PM
mug mug mug
Project Work is slowly sapping my life off.
Like a leech that hangs onto my skin, refusing to let me go
Until it has had its fill of blood.
Ok, i am being a little too imaginative around here. Working on my PI right now and am in a panic because i cant decide on a topic to work on!!! Oh my... How?!?!
*breathes in and out in succession*
well... i do sound quite pathetic. I mean its only the start of PW and yet i cant handle it already. So what is going to happen to me when all the real work start pouring in? Sheesh...Nvm. Gotta do more researching on the topics later. Hope my PI gets a good grade first.
Anyway, back to my whines of my school life. Hmm... Nothing new has happpened lately, nor will it ever happen anyway. A video crew just came to the school to do some filming. Not Mediacorp, but apparently it was some kind of promotional thing. Not too sure of the details since most of the information are just hearsay. Saw the canoeing ppl running on the track. Or was it not them? Nevertheless, it was nothing spectacular nor interesting.
Realised that some students are particularly rude to the STs and chat incessantly during lectures. Wow man... Even though we have shaken free from the secondary school regiment, we are still students! There has gotta be a line of respect somewhere. Sometimes the subject tutors just shrugs it off, but still, its unnerving. Perhaps i should just take everything with a pinch of salt too. Afterall, no one takes ppl seriously all the time and well, i guess i'm being too serious as abi puts it. Lol! Laugh it off!