Sunday, November 30, 2008 / 9:17 PM
One more paper to go.
And i have no confidence for it.
But i managed to perk myself up today after kenshu rehearsal. Went to Body Shop to buy stuff and lugged home a big bag of festive gifts. Thank goodness i drove there otherwise it will be a nightmare trying to balance the bag and hanging on to dear life on public transport.
Teck Kiang got married on Saturday, and we woke up real early to head down to Tampines Soka Centre and witnessed his solemnisation. AWWWWWWWW. It was so sweet and cute! We sang love songs for them and Teck Kiang took over and sang to his wife. Haha so romantic. Well they are having their wedding dinner now. Makes me crave for some hot boiled soup in the midst of my flu-ey condition.
Wah seriously i have no idea why am i feeling so groggy. There is this weird feeling in my head and my shoulders are soooo sore. Anyway i was so inspired by the weddings this month that i decided to just browse for my wedding ring! HAHA plan for the future :D
the Tiffany Novo. Absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Perfect. But heck i wonder if my future husband can afford it?
Well on a side note, let's just settle for what we can now. But i cannot help but look through all the designs and everything!OH GOSH I LOVE TIFFANY & CO. Really expensive but just imagine the robin blue box and ribbon...
I wish i have a bowl of hot soup now. Man the flu-ey symptoms are making me feel lethargic. Tmr is the social work paper! Gee. Think i am going to go crazy after the paper ends. Whee.
Friday, November 28, 2008 / 10:51 AM
Goodness gracious me.
This is terrible.
There are so many things i wish i had included but i didn't. I did not answer the questions as they were supposed to. SHEEET.
And gosh today is going to be as frightful too. HMA is a nightmare by itself. OMG. I am so going to give up on HMA because it is so cryptic. What's with the personal tragedy and public tragedy man.
What a brave new world.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 / 9:58 PM
the road less travelled
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I had always thought that this poem was inspirational in the sense that it teaches you to stick to your path and although there may be regrets and mistakes made, you trudge on with your choice.
But when i wiki-ed for it just now, i realised that was just a literal translation of the poem, and that the actual meaning differed.
Guess poems have that kind of mystical effect. You can never be too sure what the poet is saying despite such a few quatrains. Feelings and thoughts are so highly condensed that it feels almost impossible to pierce through the layers and see what exactly a poem contains.
Sometimes i don't get poets too. But i respect them for churning out poems of such kinds, partly due to their ability to really create poems and now just write in blank verse and claim it to be poetry.
However, poetry is not without its demerits too.
Too much emotions, flighty stanzas, cryptic subject matter.
I wish i could understand poetry better. Like understand how authors think and what people want. Perhaps by training the analytical eye can we then have a better grasp of our worlds.
And finding out how fickle people can be, and what really drove Sylvia Plath to suicide. Was it Ted Hughes? Or was it the cruel critics?
Oh well. Preparing for my exams. Getting a little giddy :D
Friday, November 21, 2008 / 12:04 AM
exams stress II
It's like running a never-ending marathon.
You feel your lungs bursting, your head thumping (it is right now), your heart screaming.
Your legs get heavier with each step, each step sends a shot of pain up your heel.
Muscles seem to be tangled, and the fists clench tight.
Thirst and dehydration grabs you by the ankle, dragging you further back.
I know the marathon ends in less than 2 weeks. But everyday seems so dreadful and hopeful. It is another day to absorb more information and revise so that i will have something to write and not go into a state of shock during the exams. BUT it is dreadful because i am inching closer to the finals.
And when i take a look around, it seems to me that everyone is so relaxed and well-prepared! Seems like they are just going to go in, take the exams and party after that. And old me is sitting here freaking out with a terrible headache.
Lol funny to think that way.
I really hate this headache! The back of my head threatens to explode.
Some people say that humans use only about maximum 20% of our brain power in our entire lifetime. I don't know the exact percentage, but still there is so much more power to tap on! Really wonder how Einstein managed to unleash his potential and achieved so many remarkable feats and inventions. I'm sure i can do better than wallowing in self-pity, but still the amount of work threatens to upset my equilibrium, which results in the massive breakouts i have right now.
Ugh. And i just tightened my braces yesterday, which could possibly explain the terrible headache. Nice cool blue i have now.
DAMNIT.4 more days left. HOW HOW HOW.
grrrrr. Guess i shall just study what i can and just go for the exams. Hope that i can score a cap of at least 3!
Saturday, November 15, 2008 / 10:19 PM
Stressed beyond words.
I am battling it out with Sociology. In fact this subject has received more mention in my entries than any other. Sigh. WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD TO GET IT? WHY CAN'T I JUST GET IT?
And with less than 9 days to the bloody exams, my physical geog is pretty screwed. I have no idea what to expect for human geog. Social work is "huh?" South-east Asian studies is fun but a blur. Literature is a sigh. And sociology makes me suicidal.
Man, i am worried for my finals.
Spent too much time getting overwhelmed and slacking, and now it is time to face the music.
Friday, November 14, 2008 / 12:54 AM
Really, the night gets you in various ways.
Either you feel the melancholy seeping into your veins, or you simply feel the need to sleep.
To drift off into a land where anything is possible, to see anyone you wanted to see, to experience different emotions that you have held back from the glare of the public.
How wonderful it is to have dreams.
Seriously, sometimes we sleep and wake up not remembering what transpired between the subconscious and the other realm. Like a clean slate, we proceed on with our daily lives without the urge to recall. And some other times, we wake up thinking that the dream was so real that we can almost feel our pores tingle, as if whatever that went on in the dream really happened, like just a while ago.
If i can have a dream customised to what i want, i would like to have a dream with my late grandfather. He used to be this surly and fierce-looking man of his household, hardly smiling and showing much affection for his family. But he does his share of caring through subtle ways, like quiet moments sitting there with you.
I never had much interaction with him, for we hardly speak the same language- me chinese, him hokkien- although i tried my best to master the hokkien tongue. He was this authoritarian figure that i always remember, and i see a reflection of him in my father. He loved apples cut into small dices and looked really handsome when he was young.
Well, i have never met my maternal grandparents. The only form of understanding is through baby pictures of me, where my grandma would hold me dearly in her arms and my granddad will look at me as if i am the most precious gem in the whole world.
Honestly, it feels great to be loved. To be cared for and to be regarded as the most precious thing ever. If one is met with some sort of bad situation outside or has been hurled with derogatory remarks or have been bullied, home is really the haven.
If only the world was much simpler than it is, and if we could all stop saying that we want to live simple lives. That is desensitised already. Too much of a good thing becomes bad. Foul-smelling and disgusting.
Free of the clutches of the society, the heartless capitalists, the strict meritocracy, i believe we will all be much happier, albeit without the material comforts of the present. But should the material take precedence over the spiritual and emotional?
For now, its the material i guess.
Once the exams are over, then let's talk about spiritual and emotional HEALING.
Monday, November 10, 2008 / 11:53 PM
shout it out
I need a shoulder to cry on.
I need a sand bag to vent all my frustrations.
I need the sea so i can shout out all my grievances.
I need a bottle of water to flush out all the accumulated anger.
If only everything was that simple, like the washing away of a stain or sweeping eraser remnants off the table.
So thereby, no need to hanker after the impossible. No need to subject myself to unnecessary emotions. Don't have to chase after something that desperately wants to get away from you. I wonder what is it in me that makes me so loathsome, so disgusting, so visceral, so unappealing. Just what is wrong with me?
Right now, the exams take precedence over everything. And for someone who is not that smart to begin with, i really have to work doubly hard.
GO GO GO SHULI!
Saturday, November 08, 2008 / 5:42 PM
The impending storm overwhelms me entirely, and all i can see is the greyness of the road ahead.
There is no one around, and i feel the cold air stab me harshly, piercing through my coat and chafing my cheeks.
The sky looks threatening, almost ready to let go of its reservoir and slap it down hard.
There is a tree. Just ahead.
Seeking shelter, i run towards the tree.
There is another girl there.
She looks really kind.
I say my hellos, and she nods in acknowledgment.
While i rub my hands to warm it up, she suddenly turns around and slaps my face.
Stinging pain pervades my moment of dumbfound.
With a sly smile she skips away, humming her tune of victory.
I trudge on.
The next place i see is a small wooden shed.
I go in.
There is a young boy, about my age.
He says hello, and shakes my hand.
We sit by the small fire that he has set up.
Talking about the weather, the books, toys..
Felt a shot of pain, as he flings the burning splinters onto me.
Smelt the burning smell of my skin.
Horrified, i run away.
Against the backdrop of sinister clouds and deafening thunder.
Morose and tired, i ambled along.
It doesn't take much to defeat, or surrender.
Nobody has time to heal wounds.
HURRY. RUN. FINISH IT. NOW. BUSY. NO. YES. EXCUSES.
Towards the light, people tell me.
But are there not other options?
The road less travelled, or the other one laden with trodden mud?
The sky clears.
The bird chirps.
The grasses smell good.
The sun smiles on me.
/ 12:13 AM
Listening to Stickwitu now. Came on the playlist.
Make me feel this way.
Love me better.
Take me higher.
I must stick with you.
And then now You Give Me Something comes on.
Every piece of me that wants you.
You give me something.
Labels or Love? All Dressed Up in Love?
Tuesday, November 04, 2008 / 9:12 PM
high school musical 3
Infatuation is really... CRAZY man.You cannot stop thinking, cannot stop wondering and sometimes it just gets to your head. Haha.
ANYWAY! There are less than 4 weeks to the exams and i am so not thrilled. Really scared for myself because the motor refuses to be started. It feels as if it is still in a holiday and partae mood rather than really settling down and do some serious work. SIGH. Then there are a million things going on and there is this spark of envy in me that i cannot extinguish with contentment. UGH.
And sometimes i wonder if i should think about some stuff, and then settle it. And there are times i wish someone was here to help me make the right decisions and give me courage to execute them. WHY WHY WHY..
There is always this void beside me, and one day i wish the right person can come along and fill it up. Someone who is better than me in everyway. Funnier, smarter, taller (MUST), more outgoing, enthusiastic, well-groomed, friendlier, sportier, more encouraging, more loving... Someone who loves me wholly and truly. BUT its kind of a Disney sort of dream to ask for so much and half expecting all these to be fulfilled. So while i try to survive in this thriving REALITY, i keep my options open, hopes low and go about my daily life.
And i guess its okay to be single, going about as free as a lark.
OH YEAH. HSM3 was good! Had my eyes glued to the screen the whole time and i must say the dance sequences are FABULOUS! WHOO! Man it would really be cool if i can dance like that! But oh wells the movie has most certainly inspired me! Gosh it will take some preparation. HAHA.
Go watch the movie! If some guy does what Zac does for me, GOSH I WILL SO MARRY HIM.