Tuesday, September 30, 2008 / 12:47 AM


look at the stars, look how they shine for you.
i'm yours.
there's no need to complicate.

Monday, September 29, 2008 / 10:00 PM

feeling super empty inside.
not just the stomach ok.
where is everyone?



Sunday, September 28, 2008 / 2:37 PM

There is a certain loneliness that lingers stealthily in the air. It pervades the senses, impairing any form of motion. There is a want of movement, of change, of chaos. You feel like your body is drifting out of the window but somehow it stays put. The heart is pumping, the blood flows to each part of your body but somehow some part of you has died and is waiting for revival.

I am waiting for you.

Irregardless of naysayers and the erratic weather, I refuse to budge. Steadfast, I put on hold. Opposing voices crash on me like a huge wave, but i do not waver. Fingers pointing at me from all directions, but i do not see. Blows of violence and hateful lashings, i do not feel. I know, and i will always remember.

Do you feel this the way i do? Or are you like the rest, resigned to Destiny and allows its manipulation? Or would you even try to fight, for me?

Somehow the deafening silence speaks of your reply. And it comes down like acid, corroding my love and life. Like a slap across the face, telling me how stupid i was to wait and wait and wait, expecting some sort of happy ending.

Such is life, and the kind of tricks it plays on people. Or lovers.

Perhaps some things were never meant to be, or simply short of a little push in the right direction. If only, if only you could step forth and embrace me. If only you would come out of your shell and your comfort zone, disregarding the dangers and tribulations to come. But as they say, the higher your expectations, the worse will be your disappointment.

I tear, but i refuse to let things go. Such pain, such hatred, such disappointment.

And i wonder if you will ever hear me, ever listen out for me. Ever pick me out from the monotonous yet seducing crowd, and just be all ears and eyes. Whether you will even be there everytime and be truthful and loving always. To always love me.

Man change all the time, nothing stays gold. The fragility of women in sharp contrast with the virility of men.

I wait, patiently like Virtue, thinly veiled in sadness and anticipation. How i long for the day to be set free from these and just walk away. With you.

Mood: pensive. bored. unwell. not feeling too good..ouch.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 / 11:26 PM
clubbing at butter factory

HAHA! Went to Butter Factory ytd night to crash Jodee's hall pageant. What a night i must say! The pageant was quite cute, because there were a lot of teasing done to the contestants, like massaging the other party and dancing with underwear on the outside! I loved their prepared items, because they were all very funny and entertaining.

And we danced non-stop till around 140am. By then most of our legs were rebelling and we were all a tad tired already. Met some nice and cool people around and caught sight of some smooching and whatnots. Left me gaping in amazement. But so happy that i went clubbing with all of you guys. YAY.

There is still the Arts Open to plan for, and i hope i can give my best and do it properly. A little uncertain of what is there to expect, but nonetheless gonna do my part.

Mid-terms coming soon, yet i have yet to fully revise for it! Feeling this sense of impending doom although my mind and body is in inertia. And the other day i fell asleep on my desk while trying to establish a connection to Durkheim, Weber and Marx. Sorry Merton, Parsons and Martineau.

Argh sociology is just getting me down. I feel so helpless with this subject! ARGH HELP!

Went out with Jodee and Melody today and I DROVE to Vivo City! Quite scary while navigating the carpark, but everything was fine. Had a fantastic parking lot, just outside B1. Then we just went around the usual haunts and bought some clothes AGAIN. Come to think of it, i have been splurging on clothes this week. Gonna wait for my threadless to come in, and my AE polo and my shirt from a supplier spree. DANG. And there is this stupid true yoga package that i wanna cancel but don't know how to since i don't go for yoga that much anymore. ARGH.

Oh well, so many things on my mind, so little time. I want some strong shoulders to lie on for a while before i move on. HAHA. Whatever la.

And i am still in love with Jason Mraz.

Sunday, September 21, 2008 / 2:44 PM
glorious weather

Although i am currently indoors, i really love the weather outside.
The comfortable sunshine, autumn-like ambience, soothing temperature.
And looking opposite, you see fellow Singaporeans going about their daily chores.
Hanging out the clothes to dry, coming back from grocery shopping, kids cycling about.
Glorious day to be at the beach!

So guess what am i doing now?


Technically its called studying or revision, but i feel more at home with the word mugging since i have been labeled with that for the past 2 years. Whoa! LABELLING THEORY.

Feel really stagnant, like not much activity going on. Nobody seems to remember me already~~~Sad to say, my social life is falling into oblivion and i have to do something about it!LOL.

Meanwhile, my new favourite singer, along with Jason Mraz is Jam Xiao! His voice is just so strong, so magnetic and it feels like a oair of strong arms embracing me every time i listen to him. Quite a cute singer, a man of few words and really just adorable.

And can i just say that he is so different from other singers??? His voice is so not representative of him, because he sounds so much older. But i like him nonetheless! Definitely worth watching out for.


Saturday, September 20, 2008 / 11:00 PM
irked by you

Running after the kites.
They fly without strings, without a tug.
Just with wind, they leap off the ground together and soar towards boundless skies.

I stay rooted, unable to move as fast.
Nevertheless, I try to catch up.
Even leaping and jumping, yet withholding my screams and anger and frustration.
Pitying myself for not being able to do.

Strewn with tears, i ask myself what did i do wrong.
Perhaps i should have been kinder to the kites.
Caress the wind and let it breeze through my hair.
Loosen the strings of the heart and let them go.

Do the kites, the wind or the skies care?
Will they ever stop and then wipe away the glistening?

Listening to the monotonous humming of the wind now,
I understand and feel utterly disappointed.
Don't know if i should have torn up that stupid kite.
Then perhaps there wouldnt have been so much pain.

Go away then.
Fly as you wish with who matter more.
Think of the impact you create.

Just leap off the face of the earth.

Sunday, September 14, 2008 / 2:56 AM

Been trying, and although i have not been the best student, I am not gonna give up.

Anyway, gonna enjoy and do my best for my Chapter Friendship Gathering tmr!

Today has been nice, because the whole NJ table tennis team met up to have a farewell lunch for Yeong Chyn, who is going to fly off to UK to study. Envious! Haha, the whole idea of going overseas to study and being in a whole new environment is enticing, but i am a tad unready to step out of my comfort zone as of now. Nonetheless, something that i may contemplate doing.

There are still buses running at this time. Most probably the NR buses and then there are some night owls who are still zooming around in their automobiles. Here i am updating my entry and not getting the better of the moon. Luna. Kind of frustrated with Sociology and damn worried about the exams for it. I think that out of all my modules, Sociology is the one that always leaves me dumb-founded and shell-shocked after every lecture. And to think that was my intended MAJOR. Ooh whoo!

No point mulling over that at the moment. Loads of things to do.

Back to typing my Literature essayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~~

why do your words resonate
why do your eyes sparkle
why does your voice move mountains
why do i love you so

Thursday, September 11, 2008 / 1:28 AM
rat race

Sometimes learning can have such a destructive force. It makes you feel stupid when you cannot seem to get it right and when you have no idea how to approach a particular problem. You get angry at yourself when you cannot do it. You cry when you fail miserably at a task and then you realise there isn't anyone you can talk to at all.

The world is cruel, and no one will slow down, stop and ask if you are okay. Then lead you by the hand and walk together.

As we navigate our ways through life, there are so many other important things than just being popular, pretty, handsome, rich and interesting. Some things are temporal, while some go on forever. Why can't we all see through the veneer and look at what is deep inside? You walk aimlessly, or from point to point, but at the end of our route what do we get?

Leaving a profound impression? The thirst to strive forward is inherent in everyone else. Nobody likes to lose, or to be behind others. Especially when we are all so accustomed to this sort of rat race that we almost look like rats, scurrying around in our filth and tail.

To choose to take a back seat and watch all the cut-throat is not that difficult after all. It will feel like a real-time movie in your own little milieu.

Ok enough of all these. Delving back into the mountain of papers right now.

Sunday, September 07, 2008 / 2:26 PM

Readings. Really enchanting, allows de intuitive nature grow and spurt. HAHA WHAT NONSENSE. I have so much things undone, and i am always procrastinating even though i tell myself to buck up more. AHHH. Falling into the depths... And there are so much things to look forward to.

Ok, while i try to make sense of society, i am going to constantly encourage myself and drink more water. Lol.

Monday, September 01, 2008 / 11:50 PM
Nike+ 10km Human Race

Wow am i glad to say that i completed the Nike+ 10km Human Race on 31st Aug 2008! 10 KM and i did it by myself, having not ran for the past 6 months and going totally unprepared. Hah. Some may say that it's just 10km, but to me it has been monumental and a really great experience.

For starters, I am plagued with MUSCLE ACHES. My thighs refuse to cooperate when i squat or go up and down the stairs, my waist is screaming and my knees are cranky. And i have used 2 boxes of Salonpas = 20 pieces everywhere on my body. Oh mannnnn... doesn't help when everywhere in school are STAIRS.

The race was pretty irritating at the beginning cos the congestion was pissing everyone off. Bad organisation i would say, because we didn't know where to go and there were people pushing and elbowing. Was worried that there would be a stampede cos the people around us were pretty big-sized and some were quite tall. Saw some familliar faces in the crowd too.

Ran the whole race by myself, and it was really a test of my perseverance. Being really unfit, i stopped to brisk-walk for a while before chiong-ing for the last km. Haha at that point in time i couldn't really feel my legs but i made myself run as fast as possible to reach the finising line. I didn't see my timing, but i know i should have exceeded my target of 65mins. Oh well it was a pretty good run!

Met some acquaintances, pictures all on facebook. Feeling pretty proud of myself for having completed it without walking the whole race! YAY :D

Just to add, soci tutorial made me regret coming to fass. All i had wanted to do at NUS was Sociology, and now everything is like a slap in my face. I really deserve it man. Should really have done mass communications at NTU since i was accepted but i didn't! Now i am stuck at NUS and i don't know what to do. What is right and what should be done? Should i stay or go? Sigh.

Really wanna go for a spin.

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All the love in the world, dear John