Monday, April 28, 2008 / 12:06 PM
I guess i am the kind of person who behaves like Pip sometimes. I let things snowball, go out of control and perhaps explode, before i step up and try to salvage the mess. Victimizing myself is not difficult, for i always feel inferior and nevertheless, don't know how to react to certain situations and people and i feel left out at times.
Then i remember i had a keen interest in public relations, talking to large groups of audiences and just making myself noticed. Whoa. How the hell am i going to do that if i cannot even manage my circle of friends well? Am i being too domineering or bitchy or sarcastic?
I don't really know myself well. It as if there is this third person looking at me and i feel so out of place. Sometimes you are in the loop, sometimes you fall out of it and land with a really bad crash. Gosh, this world is full of confusion. The unassuming ones get devoured and the sly ones get on with the game. Whatever happened to equality and brotherhood? I feel like nothing is going on straight in my head.
I am tired and sleepy, and i just cannot seem to focus and figure out a plan. What exactly do i want to do? What does the future hold? Will my decisions be the right ones? ARGH!!! I feel so alone in this world even though i have so many people around me. It is as though you are screaming yet no one seems to hear you. Some people may attribute this to a belated teen angst, but its not.
Haiya no point saying so much. The world is unfair, so we just gotta live with it.
Gonna visit the oral surgeon later. See my wisdom teeth how. Argh. Stupid teeth problems.I HATE ALL THE TROUBLE!!!
Sunday, April 20, 2008 / 2:58 AM
Frequent headaches this week. Wonder if there is something wrong or is it due to the excessive worrying that i subject myself to everyday?
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.
Had a great time being with myself yesterday. I first went to IMM and had Pepper Lunch Beef Rice for dinner, afterwhich i walked around the mall for some shopping then went to Daiso to buy stuff. Spent over an hour in there, getting stuff to organise my room better and to keep things away properly. Stayed for about an hour or so, then went back.
It is pretty nice to be alone, like watching movies and shopping by yourself. It beats the ceaseless chattering and slow walking sometimes. I find that i walk really fast and most of the time my friends cannot catch up with me. Lol. Beign with yourself allows you to walk at any speed.
NDP is still pretty much the same. Have yet to make lots of friends. Dunno why there are always very little people around me so i am pretty much by myself too. It is ok i guess... Just feel bored sometimes.
Ok gotta go have some sleep. Long day tmr and Jonas is leaving for Europe tmr night! Or technically it is tonight. Sigh... So gonna miss him although it is only for 4 months. Bye my best guy buddy!!! Bon voyage~~~
Long day ahead of me.
Sunday, April 13, 2008 / 9:17 PM
I AM PREGNANT WITH WORRIES AND TROUBLES!!!
Whoa seriously everything has escalated out of control. I feel so so strained now, with all my thoughts poured into deciding whether to go for JAW SURGERY or not. Information is so easily obtainable and processed, but i am unable to come to a decision. SIGH. I am really very troubled and rather frustrated and annoyed that i am being thrown with this now.
I am really really lost, at my wits end.
Ok i have 2 options, or so i think.
My dentist and orthodontist and oral surgeon at Jurong Medical Centre has told me to choose wisely. The option is of course 2, cos it would be the most ideal and i can get the most obvious and dramatic results. However, my 2nd opinion obtained from NUH is that braces and jaw surgery are optional, and since i have survived thus long with this condition, it should not pose a problem unless i am keen on fixing this and correct my teeth and smile. Otherwise it is pretty unnecessary since it really doesn't affect me much in eating and speaking, except in the self-consciousness i experience.
SO WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO???
Perturbed, disturbed, troubled, upset, stressed and really pissed. It all started with a visit to the dentist with the hope of extracting my impacted wisdom tooth, then escalated and snow-balled into such a big issue. WHOA WHOA WHOA. I have more than i can handle on my plate now.
Everything is going to be long-term. I cannot turn back or regret once something is done. Irreversible changes. Permanent modifications. Superficiality? Plastic-ness? Clinical look? I don't know man. Something inside tells me that people place more focus on appearance than the "feel". Even if i may feel comfortable with the way i look and am, others may think in another way.
Haiyo, so fed-up with everything.
Looking at my pictures, i hope u guys give me some advice or your two cents worth. SHOULD I GO FOR JAW SURGERY OR NOT??? I believe that since you are my friend and spend time perusing my blog, you would so kindly leave me a tag at the tag box. It is the 3rd diamond on the top left hand corner of my entry. They look a little invisible though.
TAG AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!
see how the center lines don't meet in one straight line? my lower jaw is a little seng yek to the left i.e. grew a little faster on the right, causing the right to be longer than the left.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008 / 7:39 AM
Can't believe that i am being thrown into this frenzy because of some imbeciles. Haha! Life is getting interesting. Seems like the prying eyes and hands and fingers of some people jsut cannot be wrenched away.
This episode reminds me of a certain blogger in Singapore: Gayle Goh. She once commented on a minister's speech publicily on her blog, and the aftermath was anything but. It caused a tsunami of thoughts rushing through every Singaporean, or maybe just the bloggers and people who have too much time on their hands. Some lambasted her words, while others praised her action. Gayle received lots of flak too, but that did not deter her from her right to the freedom of expression. In fact, she is still blogging if not regularly.
There is also Mr Miyagi, funny-man with an evil and sardonic flair for interesting posts. His podcasts are superb. Like the meepok one that had me reeling with laughter.
And there is also xiaxue. Although sometimes i don't quite like the way she writes, especially when most of her entries are interspersed with profanities and hyperboles. Nevertheless, her blog is just a juicy site, somewhere to go to when you just wanna read entertainment.
I hardly come across people who really blog seriously. Not that they religiously light incense and kowtow to their blogs, but people who really blog about the bigger things occasionally. Instead of whining and complaining how angsty they are and how life treats them really badly, think of things in the larger context. Age is not an excuse to feign ignorance and shirk responsibility.
There are truckloads of people out there who simply run away from responsibility and tries to get away with it with a smirk. Oh well, what can we possibly do with these wastrels? Aha. Seems like the word "wastrels" is my favourite word to use these days on people.
Some people really deserve it, while others are simply dragged in through the door. Life is unfair, and full of perils, so why should i even bother about the slightest thing that happens? You are not important, trying to ruin my life. I have got better things to do.
Hope that right now you are holding your tail within your legs, running away from me. If not, stay put and rot. Which is a really pathetic image to behold.
What is it with the genes nowadays?
In any case, i have other things to fret about. Should get pesticide and insecticide to spray away those buggers.
aide-toi, le ciel t-aidera
Monday, April 07, 2008 / 9:55 PM
nike: goddess of victory
It is really strange how the world operates.
The blue skies, the soothing breeze, the chirping of the birds and the smell of the air.
Everything appeals to our senses and emotions.
I started running this evening once again.
A sport i gave up due to a bad knee.
Running gives me a sense of purpose and determination, something like to reach the next lamp post is good enough.
I love how i always start slow, then slowly build up speed.
Even though a weak knee hampers me from taking on long distances, my renewed subscription to running has never faltered one bit. I honestly love the nature sometimes, and this evening saw the nicest and loveliest weather i have had in months. The sun was just setting, and the breeze made everything so slow and smooth. I fell asleep while i was walking along the running track! Haha... I even had to search for a bench to sit down to take a nap before completing 2.4km.
This is how i wish i could look sometimes :D SEXXAYY!
Well i have to say my stamina is going down due to a lack of exercise and too much worries.
Anyway, life will get better somehow. It is all a matter of perspective and choice. And i worry way too much and this excess just cannot be minimised. I know you are probably scowling at me already.
"It is not work that kills men, it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more on a man than he can bear. But worry is rust upon the blade. It is not movement that destroys the machinery, but friction." Henry Ward Beecher
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.
calla lilies, my favourite flowers.