Tuesday, August 31, 2010 / 11:37 PM
wanderlust again?

That was quite hilarious. What a joke. LOL. How can someone be so funny?

Anyway, school has been quite a hectic ride. Suddenly its already one month into the term and i am still feeling as if i just returned from McGill. Strange flashbacks occur every now and then, about the awesome times i had overseas. Now i long to head to the States and breathe in some maple air and just be in the once familiar campus again. TimeSpace.

Gosh, hate being so emotional about this. But i truly truly loved exchange and i would have extended my exchange if i could. Sadly no such option, but one year exchange would be brilliant.

Imagine, all the travelling and seeing of the world in new ways that people in your comfort zone wouldn't dare to see. Try and taste and savour all that is available there and not here.

Wanderlust is so so so amazing.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 / 11:44 PM

SO SILLY! SO SO SO SILLY. Never am i going to do this again.

Anyway, people should learn to respect other people and beware of karma. The way some people act seriously deserve some scolding and well, argh they should learn to be more courteous. Hate people who have low PR skills.

School is a dread sometimes, with the never-ending readings and whatnot. And people to mend and all. I am broken as it is already, and sometimes some people just add salt to my wounds.

But as it is, nothing is going to stop me from moving ahead.

/ 1:51 AM

And so it happened again. Once last year and once this year, all around the same period. Am i cursed to like the wrong kind of guys? Those who are flirty and super ultra friendly? Or am i just misinterpreting everything? Jumping too fast to conclusions?

It unnerves me to have to think of all the possible answers. And to think of what you are thinking. I loathe that!

So why can't you just be more direct? JUST ASK??? It's like the same situation repeated all over again, and everything comes to naught. Like something budding but nipped in the bud because both of us were just unsure and didn't want to take the first step.

Relationships are awful this way. What with all the could-have-beens and maybes.

I hate you for being like this. You are just stupid and retarded and slow and idiotic.

I need some chocolates. Endorphins.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010 / 1:16 PM

Strangely, there is this bittersweet after taste of every endeavour. Something like a plan gone wrong or a bunch of metal wires twisted awry. We seek and we search with all our might, but sometimes it just doesn't end up pretty.

Why does it always end up warped? Jagged edges that threaten to cut so ugly if you come closer.


Friday, August 06, 2010 / 11:52 PM
rag 2010

555th post!


Super happy and jubilant over this win :) Even though i may not have helped out a lot, i still feel very emotional seeing the raggers tear and break down, and yet seeing all the support and team work i feel a lot of warmth welling up in my heart. This is what it is all about, being supportive and appreciative of each other.

What an awesome way to begin the new academic year!

Thursday, August 05, 2010 / 3:57 PM

Sometimes i wish i was on exchange again. Being far away from all the problems and being able to study and do everything i want without anyone barking down on me. And to have mature and independent people who don't play small tricks and resort to petty outbursts. Or to have self-centered bitches who think they own the whole universe.

But sadly i am back and i cannot go away anymore. Having tasted the sweet taste of sep i now long to go back and savour the richness once again. Spicy islands cloud my vision.

And school starts in 5 days. Humph.

Sunday, August 01, 2010 / 11:58 PM

Sometimes it feels like i cease to exist, from a place that once loved me so much. I am like a shapeless entity, floating in between people and trying to fit into the big piece. I don't like how i am feeling, the feeling of being so so so neglected and totally unable to catch up with everybody else. The feeling of being so helpless attacks me so ruthlessly that sometimes i wonder if i am dreaming or living.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with everybody? Why doesn't anyone bother and care anymore?

Or perhaps this is just karma. Karma for all the bad things i have done. The low point in my life that i have to go through so much mental trauma. The calm before the storm was really enjoyable, but now i am trying to brave through the storm. I wonder how long can i last.

Coming back was supposed to be a joyous thing, being back to a place where i knew everyone and everything. But all these tears and pain seem to take away the joy that i was originally supposed to relish.

Perhaps, i could take some solace in the fact that there are people who are in far worse situations than i do. Maybe i am too emotional, too young, too reckless, too immature. I don't think enough and i don't think far. But it is time for change.

Tired from crying so much. I have such a terrible headache since this afternoon, and i guess i should stop crying already. I should get myself out of this shit hole and stop wallowing in self pity. Enough of being envious of other people's lives. I have a pretty great one! My family loves me as their favourite child, the pearl of the family. They have given me so much, unconditionally and wholeheartedly. I have nothing much to ask for. Contentment.

Maybe it is time to look for new commitments, new emotional storage places. Maybe arts club was a nice place to be in, but a semester's hiatus totally wrecked me, and now i am broken. I don't know how i can piece myself back, but i am utterly shattered at the moment.

Time to move on and get a gogo!

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All the love in the world, dear John