Friday, January 30, 2009 / 12:35 AM
awed. music.

I am highly disturbed.
Noises of infrequency slips in and out of my head.
I fall over the edge.

Am starting to like Coldplay a lot these days, and am going to get one of their albums once i have the moolahs. Just watched the mtv of The Scientist on Youtube and was utterly fascinated by the way the story and song was depicted. Loved the ending, where he goes back in time, changes the one thing or perhaps two, and changed everything. Of course, it was for the better.

And when i watched Viva la vida and LiTii i just couldn't stop feeling amazed at their music and their creativity. HOT STUFF MAN! I really lovvvveeeeeeeee LiTii cos it was simply splendid! To see the initial extreme juxtaposition of the expressions of the children versus the adults, and then everyone just couldn't stop gawking at the show to the ending, where the little girl with the cute specs get the sticks. LOVELY!

So i wished i had more lives to switch to. Like super heroes. :D


Thursday, January 29, 2009 / 4:20 PM
highly irritated

I guess that in every society, there are different cultures that produce different kinds of reactions to them. I cannot say for sure that i know what other cultures are like, but the one that i am most familiar with is the Singapore culture. And i had a taste of it today.

Today was just like any other day. I woke up at 930am, with a Literature movie screening of my film text at 10am. Out of desperation and because i was such a sleepyhead, i drove to school after a quick freshening up. And well i reached a little late, and the whole theatrette was dark. The kind of dark that once you shut the door behind you, its pitch black, with the overhead projector showing the movie that had started about 10minutes ago. It was the movie Apocalypse Now, quite an engaging movie despite the occasional gore and nudity.

So there were a couple of people who came in late and man, once they sat down beside me in the front row, they made so much noise! WAH LAU EH. Ok, i thought i should just ignore them and watch the movie, analysing how the characters are similar to those of Heart of Darkness.

While i was paying attention to the movie, i swear the people beside me were giving their synopsis of the movie, albeit inaccurate ones. And you know how irritating it is to act smart like you know the whole movie BUT ACTUALLY NOT? I mean this is n our curriculum, so it is imperative to at least know what you are talking about. And they were talking at their normal decibels in an entirely quiet room with only sounds coming from the speakers. WHOA. SITTING BESIDE ME SOMEMORE!


So i went "TSK" and gave a heavy sigh, and i could feel the blanket of silence resume. Good. After 10 mins or so, they started commenting and laughing lightly among themselves. Gosh i so cannot stand such banter when others are actually trying to watch a show! It screams of how some people behave like this too in public cinemas. The phone ringing, the babies crying, the children running around, the shaking of chairs, comments....

After that i headed down to Paragon for some errands and had a rather lethargic lunch at Spaggedies. Headed home on the bus and fell promptly asleep.

And i have rp training later in school. Till 9pm. :( I feel the jitters and the pressure everytime i think about it.

Oh i so got to finish a ton of readings this week, and my weekends are already taken up by emceeing commitments. GAHH. Tutorials! Sigh.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 / 11:38 PM

Oh i start school tmr! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Terrible.

Gonna start radiopulze training tmr. Kind of freaked out and feeling super scared after looking at the training schedule.PHWOAR. Lots of new stuff to learn and skills to master, on top of having to navigate tasks and etc. Yikes i am actually quite nervous. Natural worrier i guess.

And i figured i should not hanker after the impossible. Hehe it is best to remain in my place and do what i am supposed to do, live my life to the fullest and enjoy everything and everyone around me. Even if i dream the impossible, sometimes it is just not enough to materialise it. Even if i think about it all day and all night, some things are not meant to be, never will happen and are only in the state of the mind.

Just like how Pecola yearns for blue eyes, she never gets them but ends up insane because of this obsession. I hope i don't tip over the edge too. Let me withdraw my hesitating foot.

And i really enjoyed my chu er today at Z's place. So nice, so cute and so hilarious! Haha we had an awesome time making silly videos, videos that should NEVER BE LEAKED OUT. Haha but honestly even if it was uploaded to Youtube i couldn't care less. It'll give the viewers a good laugh and perhaps some evil comments. WHOO.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Gonna brace up!

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Monday, January 26, 2009 / 12:17 AM

happy new year!

may all good things come and be happy always :D

Thursday, January 22, 2009 / 11:31 PM
mambo jambo

with my hot friend, J

haha what an experience and its my first time officially there!

And saw some people who were at the podiums at ZoukOut and there they were at Mambo last night. Haha they dance really well and they seem to know ALL the songs, and they can tell what song is coming up next just by listening to the entry of the song. GOODNESS!

Haha had real fun, and met some pretty cool people.

OH YEAH and i had flaming lambo. Strong stuff man. Got light-headed within 5 minutes of drinking it. But it was a nice experience, though i was a little afraid of getting too insane or make a fool out of myself. I have always gone for the light drinks! Haha thanks guys :D

And then we left Zouk at 430am, and i got home, bathed and settled stuffs and went to sleep at 5am. Afterwhich i woke up at around 9am and went to school for my Literature lecture. First 30 mins i was still going strong, then 2nd 30 mins i was totally dozing off already. When it was the break i immediately ran to Deck and got myself milk tea, thus surviving the whole lecture while keeping myself up by furiously writing down notes and doodling. And i had a really bad stomachache. Gahhh.

Met up with Wee after lit lect and went to WCP. Man that place is terribly boring, and it really is more for a place to get groceries and to get your stomachs filled. Sheesh! I was so terribly lethargic walking through the relatively quiet mall.

And i am having MAJOR crisis. Shucks. S or L?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 / 12:04 AM


Tuesday, January 20, 2009 / 1:35 PM

Oh wow i am actually super bothered. Like highly irritated by some issues and things. I am lazy and tired to change already. No matter what i do i never seem to be able to match up to your expectations. I am not worthy of your attention. I give up but still i hope to try.

Going for lecture at 2pm. Sobs. Hope to meet people i know.


Sunday, January 18, 2009 / 11:31 PM

I just want to break free and not be so bothered by things like that every time. Like to be able to lead a normal and happy life without having my emotions stirred all the time as i tense up and await for the final decree kind of thing.


And i really wish i had the resources and ability to do what i hope will propel me further in life but i just feel so caught up in the moment, in balls and chains. I am tired and yet sometimes scared if things are supposed to be this way or is there another way of doing things. Am i missing out on anything?

So when i look at others with envy, it struck me that sometimes some things have to be fought for. Some people have to be taken initiative with. Some things cannot wait.

On a happier note, i had an early reunion lunch with my extended family. Good lunch i guess, with all the delicacies and chatter. Although there were moments when i felt super indignant and ready to lash out, i am glad things were ok.

School edges into the second week tmr. Singapore society readings are quite a horror, if i may wish to even quote Kurtz on this. And i feel really nervous and uptight about my modules. Wonder if i can pull this off man.

Hope to meet more people i know this sem. Seems like there are more unfamiliar faces and strange crowds. WHERE IS EVERYONE??

Feeling overwhelmed once again.

Saturday, January 17, 2009 / 4:01 PM

School has started for a week already. Sigh. Some disappointments with people that really made me wanna cry. Some pleasant surprises and unprecedented events.

Man, i got to be a stronger person.

Monday, January 12, 2009 / 12:11 AM
school restarts


Actually i am a couple of hours away from my first lecture of the semester and oh well, i am sort of dreading it already. New lecturers, new people, new stuff!

The modules i am taking are:
  • SSA1201 Singapore Society
  • SC2204 Inequalities: Who Gets Ahead?
  • SC2205 Sociology of Family
  • SC2217 Sociology of Tourism
  • EN2111 British Texts

PLEASE IF YOU TAKE THE SAME MODS AS ME DO TELL ME! Really hope to go to the lectures with someone :D

Gonna try my best and work hard this sem to pull up my CAP. It is going to be a hell of a ride, but i am sure with faith and perseverance I WILL PULL THROUGH. And i must!

jiayou jiayou jiayou <3

Friday, January 09, 2009 / 11:40 PM


For me that is.

Sigh it was such a nightmare. The whole thing has finally ended and oh well.

Really nice to have hung out with Jodee today. Shopping spree at Bugis street never got any better. Nice and affordable clothes at really fantastic prices. Lol.

Tired. Slacking too much. Becoming too FAT. Gotta lose weight.

Thursday, January 08, 2009 / 11:35 AM

Gosh bidding is the time where everyone goes into a frenzy, logging into CORS and refreshing the page almost every 30 seconds. Such is the life of an Arts student during the stages of bidding. We do not get any modules allocated so we gotta fight for it. HUR HUR. Singapore Society scares the shit out of me when i see how the next min bid keeps rising. Its at an unearthly 501 points now. Gahh expensive!

School is starting soon and i morbidly feel happy. Guess it's because i have been slacking around and doing close to nothing everyday after the exams. It was nerve-wrecking to not have something to do. Going out was not a fab option since it meant a dwindling of accounts. Retail therapy that was meant to stimulate the economy left my funds in the doldrums. SO what can i dooooo? When school starts, at least i will be busy with studies and perhaps have less time for entertainment and unnecessary purchases. And nice food at the Deck of course.

Arts BBQ last night was not too bad, and went with Wee and Desmond. Seems like a pretty neat gathering, except that we didn't know most of the seniors around. But i guess it turned out all right. LOVED the chocolate coated fruits and waffle sticks at Downtown East. Lovely!
I really hope to get this for Valentine's!!!

It looks soooooooo delicious and exquisite..heh. Perhaps i should buy for myself since there is a higher chance that i won't get it if i wait for it as a gift..GAHHHHH.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009 / 1:30 PM

The power of silence and pregnated pauses.

Monday, January 05, 2009 / 11:12 AM

Lovely day at the beach. Really enjoyed myself. Wrists still a little tired from yesterday, coupled with a couple of bruises and a slightly hurt back. Haha too strenuous and too spontaneous i suppose. A little sleepy since i woke up really early this morning to head down to JMC for my braces. Its now RED. New Year ma!

School is starting soon and i kind of dread it. Really scared of what there is to come. :(

And sometimes i feel a sting in my heart and a slap on my face whenever i think of it. Like something that i had wanted so much yet never got. It always ends up with someone else and i never seem to have such luck.

Fantastic weather today i must say. Glorious sun and cool breeze.

Saturday, January 03, 2009 / 1:40 PM
against the tide

It seems to me that salmon are really amazing creatures. They take the plunge to swim upstream to spawn and reproduce, going against strong currents and merciless waters. Perhaps it is this strong determination they have that keeps them going, disregarding failure and death, all with the final destination of creating the next generation.

Wish i can have such determination too.

I love the idyll of the countryside. I love the freshness and the breeze of the Mediterranean. I love the sun and the sand of California. I love the fashion and urban style of NYC. So many things i love yet cannot be.

And it really sucks when the guy you like turns out to like someone else you know. Or when you cannot be more than just friends. Or when things turn sour because you felt that things were not meant to be. Relationships are so complicated. So incessant, so unwavering.

Scary when a relationship between two people gets really bad that makes you wonder if we should ever get married at all. It just hurts too much when you care too much. When at the end of the day, the curtains are drawn, the show has ended, who is there to share your everything? Marriage should be for life, and not just disregarded because of some ideological differences that are so minute in scale.


New year, new resolutions, new perspective.

Thursday, January 01, 2009 / 7:28 AM
my 2008

HAPPY 2009!

My first post in the year 2009, Ist January.

This year has been a year of firsts, with new people, new environments and new experiences cascading on me. I learnt a lot, went through a lot and took to heart a lot. Quite a year i would say.

To begin, there was the end of my A Levels and i went to Swiss Cottage Secondary to do relief teaching. Was asked by Ms Tay during my Prelims, which shows how earnest the school really wanted me to go back to teach. Ms Kaur called me too, asking me to go back and teach English and Lit. I chose Geography in the end, deciding it was more interesting and they needed the manpower anyway. Filled with trepidation and uncertainty, i became a relief teacher and took over 4 classes, all by myself. I had NO experience or any idea what to expect; just went in with an open mind and a big heart.

Of course, not everything went smoothly. I had some bad encounters, but i took it in my stride. Worth a lesson and quite an eye-opener too. Had really lovely secondary one students from 1E3, 1E4, 1E5 and 1N1 and i am so glad that they had enjoyed my teaching and had benefitted, squarely shown in their remarkable mid year results. Phew! Hey i did quite a good job!

The admiration and love and respect from my students are priceless, and i really enjoyed going to work everyday, taking 188 in the morning, falling asleep and wake up feeling the super strong aircon blowing onto my head at 630am. Haha it was really nice! AND I had to fathom what to wear everyday! I couldn't wear something that was too casual yet i don't want to be stifled in my office wear. And i met some really fabulous colleagues, some who were once my teachers :D

Work life was certainly different from being a student. Heavier responsiblities, higher expectations. But it was certainly a great and dynamic experience that i really treasured. Working along Mdm Zainab was really nice, and i love her so much! MDM ZAINAB ROCKS!!!


The whole day felt so uncomfortable. I was terribly nervous and scared because i was really afraid that i would not do well for it. I was kind of prepared for the worst already, since i felt so helpless after completing my papers and stepping out of the hall feeling like shit.

I still had to go to work in the morning, with all my students and fellow teachers wishing me tons of good luck and sweet Indra even prepared cupcakes and cards to encourage and assure all the relief teachers. Haha so nice right!

After all the sweet stuffs, i headed back to NJC and waited super nervously for my results in the hall. Seeing all my classmates just felt so nostalgic and well, i was still heck of a nervous wreck. I still remember what i wore! Blue espirit shirt and black cigarette pants.


VC talked for quite some time but did not analyse the cohort's results. Guess we didnt do that well since we were the pioneer batch for the new A Level syllabus. And then it was time to get my results..


So much so that i jumped around with tears of joy and intermixed hysterical bouts of screams and laughter. I kept shouting "WAH I CAN GO NUS! I CAN GO UNI NOW!OMG!OMG! I CAN GO UNI!OMG!"

-.- i know.

EH PEOPLE HAPPY AND ELATED MA... Afterwhich i didn't really go celebrate but just went for some ice cream at Greenwood Ave and headed home.

Then choosing which UNIVERSITY to enter. I got accepted into
  • NTU Mass Communications
  • SMU Social Sciences
  • NUS Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences
Didn't know why i chose to go FASS in the end. But since this was the decision i made, i gotta stick through to it!

Arts Camp was also a new thing, and i got to know a lot of people through it. Experienced the university level kind of orientation, learnt the ropes and also see different new situations. Then came O Week and Climate Leaders Programme and SCHOOL OFFICIALLY STARTED!

Yay i am now an NUS student.

Study slack study slack...and really slogged for the end of year examinations. Glad that it turned out ok. But really have to continue to maintain and improve! Not good enough.

I left out quite some stuffs, some too trivial to be mentioned anyway.
But i started the year with a really nice night out with the sjab peeps. We went to countdown at St James (Boiler Room). Quite another unique encounter too! Haa some people got me really amused. Had TRUCKLOADS OF FUN and danced the whole night away.WHOO! Had some ill-disciplined hands and people around but nothing major happened. It was really awesome!! WHEEEEEEE my ears are still a little weird from all the loud music. Sore legs too! But major fun and rhythm and more fun!

Hope that 2009 will be a better one for me! To have everything to go well and smoothly, good health, safety and happiness to my family and myself and to work hard for my studies and to be a better person :D

Some people i want to thank:

  • Samantha a.k.a Samo- thanks for always being there for me. I cannot ask for more than such a true, earnest and loyal friend. BESTIE and LOVE YOU!
  • Weewee- studying and slogging together for our goals!
  • Diana- so cute, so silly, so flaky but still funny!
  • Jodee- for being so nice to come my sch to study tog! STUDY BUDDY HOR HOR.
  • Zelda- u are loved.
  • SJAB peeps- you know who you are!
  • uni mates- whoo and whee! All the fun, cheering and everything.
  • My family- they are the most important and precious to me :D
  • EVERYONE not mentioned but have been such a great support all this time :D

OK gotta get some sleep. Just got back. Pictures later. Zzzzzz


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musings of a superhero girl
All the love in the world, dear John