Monday, July 27, 2009 / 11:27 PM
the 90% in your life

ellie had a little lamb

A counsellor told me this story, and i shall try to type it in her words, to as much as i can recall.

"Imagine this scenario. A family of three is at the breakfast table. The father is dressed nicely and sitting at the table, reading the papers. The mother is slowly bringing out the sumptuous breakfast. There is a glass of milk on the table for the child, who is happily jumping and walking towards the table. The child is excited and all ready for school, and the school bus will be coming later. Just then, the child accidentally topples the glass of milk and the milk splashes onto the father's pants.

Now, what is going to happen?

The father flings the newspaper onto the floor and scolds the child severely for spilling the milk and now he has to go and change. The child wails and cries loudly, shocked and scared because the father was so fierce to him. The mother is angry that the father raised his voice and the two bicker. The child misses the school bus and the father is late for work. Everyone is in a bad mood in the evening and nothing seems right.

Consider the same setting and the same situation, where the glass of milk is spilled. The father looks at his pants and giggles, and then says to the child 'It's ok daddy will go change. Mummy, get boy boy another glass of milk ok?' The child gets another glass of milk, eats his breakfast and goes off to school punctually on the school bus. The father changes his clothes and goes off to work. The mother is happy too. All's well.

You see, 90% of the time we can control what happens and what will happen and definitely our reaction towards things, people and situations. We can choose the kind of result we want and definitely so.

What about the other 10%? The 10% is the spilled milk. You cannot recover it. Such are the inevitable and you really cannot do anything about it. The variables.
So take charge of your life, with the 90%.

Have a clear mind, which reduces heartache and leads to more sane and wise actions."

To be like Geum Jan Di :O)

/ 4:28 AM

to be like the lotus flower

Emotions can get high and very real, regardless of whether you expect them or not.

I enjoy watching Boys Over Flowers now, it becoming somewhat like my avenue of escape. The romance, the drama, the situations all seem so fantasy like, and indeed they are. Sometimes i identify myself with Geum Jan Di, with the both of us being strong and trying to survive and overcome any adversities.

Being strong seems like a good trait to have, but sometimes i would rather not be strong and let someone comfort me for it. And not to appear strong so i can seem to take all the fault or pressure. But alas i don't play the game as it is suppose to progress, so at times i upset expectations. I break through.

Times like these makes me feel like i should always tell myself that i can do it. I will be able to. Although from time to time a small voice in me screams and wants out. Telling the truth will set you free, of course in various ways that may disappoint, anger or come to regret. But i am glad the rock is off. It pains to prolong suffering, so although it may hurt it is wise to nip it in the bud.

Now, seclusion is a luxury not many can afford.

Got to keep moving on, and not let the world hamper me in my endeavours. I have to raise money for SEP and make wonders to my own life.I will always challenge myself.

Money spent can be earned again.
Clothes torn can be mended.
But time and tide waits for no man.
And you've only got ONE life.
So i will live mine with pride and dignity.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 / 12:47 AM

I think i am at my weakest point in life right now. And i really yearn for a pair of strong arms to fully embrace me, telling me that he will be with me all the way and that everything will be ok. But nothing of that for now though.

I am tired. It's just like driving on the highway, at a maximum speed. At first you think it's interesting, engaging and well, exciting. But after sometime, you just want to leave all these behind and take on another engagement. Just like wanting an exit off the highway, I want out too.

In the midst of all these emotional tug-of-war and incessant showers, I am alone. I want someone to be there for me, supporting me and giving me so much love. To be able to bask in comfort and not to have to be so worried and upset. Perhaps it is because everyone thinks that i am a strong person that is why i have managed to not show any signs of fragility or weakness. Everyone sees me and they go, ah this person is strong and resilient.

But just like any other human, there will always be a weakest link.

RAHHHH i dunno. Very very tired. I have no time for small things. I just know that i need to be there for everyone and i have to be strong no matter what. I know just that.

Saturday, July 18, 2009 / 1:30 AM

Sometimes i wish i can be totally out of the situation, no need to get involved and no need for me to be there hearing your whines and complaints like the world is against you and you feel like a total loser. The fact is i hate weakness, especially when it is coming from someone older and supposedly more mature. You are supposed to be the strong one, being there for me in the midst of all these nonsense yet i am supposed to be your anchor now. WTH. I feel extremely bothered. Irritated and sick of all these. I sometimes feel like moving OUT and living on my own so that i don't have to face the same things over and over again. Yet i worry about you and how things will be. I hate the social stigma that you have to face and i hate to imagine the worst. I don't want to be burdened by so many things when i have a life to live, a dream to chase. There are so many things that i want to do but everytime i decide to take flight my earthly troubles pull me back down into place. It's getting to me.

Just don't ever get married.

Thursday, July 16, 2009 / 1:16 AM

It just hurts sometimes. Gets me really down and out.

Thursday, July 09, 2009 / 9:59 PM
arts camp 2009

Wow, with the end of Arts Camp AAR it really tells me that Arts Camp is officially over. The dust is settled and everything has come to a close.

"As youths, we must challenge ourselves."

AC has really been quite a challenge, definitely to me. And the quote above, though i say it frequently, does come into use quite a bit throughout the 6 days. For myself and others.

There were so much tears, sweat and blood, and how can i forget how i stepped on a thumbtack and had to continue running sports day? Or trying to still emcee and talk with a croaking voice? Or having to stay up all night for 3 consecutive nights without sleep, doing stuff? Or forgoing rest and going out of school at 6am to buy stuff? And for once in my life i actually skipped breakfast, lunches and dinners and lived to tell the tale. Haha.

But overall, i think i did challenge myself, although i could have done more. But still, i think i am happy with how the freshies liked the camp.

Go Shuli go.

And it is time to move on, because i guess i know everything that i had wanted to type it out here.

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musings of a superhero girl
All the love in the world, dear John