Saturday, July 31, 2010 / 1:36 AM

Pretty emotionally draining day today, having slept at only 5am in the morning and jolted awake by the inherent fear of bidding and selection of modules. I guess i am a delayed freshie, someone who has been taking sociology modules from the start and has never really bidded for any other things before. Belated anxiety.

O Week is later! Really hope it will be a blast.

So much stuff to plan for!!!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 / 5:39 PM
change is now!

Time to reflect and make changes!

Was really tired today and actually missed work. Seems to me that i am kind of irresponsible haha. But menial labour! Nice catching up with everyone yesterday night over steamboat. It feels really great to be able to sit around with everyone, eating, drinking and chatting about everything. Laughter filled the whole club house and i must say we left the venue a little sadly, since the night was over just so quick.

Loved the champagne. I love champagne, although they are so bubbly and filled with so much gas. Champagne buffet some day! Along with strawberries, chocolates and seafood. AHH.

School is starting in like 2 weeks, and i must say i am so super not looking forward to it. Was a little depressed last few days over my academic path, and i am sad to say that the sociology department has not been the most caring. But it's okay, since NUS is a place where students take almost full responsibility for the things that happen to themselves. Indemnity!

And o week is coming this saturday. A little looking forward to it, and the first few times i actually don't have to help out nor be in action before that. Just have to turn up. I don't know. It feels kind of stranger and a little cold, the lack of warmth from the people and sometimes a strong sense of repulsion from some. I truly feel that people should be more open and forgiving, and try to make up for their shortcomings or wrongdoings. Like i am trying to now too.

It is never too late to repent and change things. I want to do so too, that is why i am trying now. In any case, having tried out something and failed is better than failing without knowing why.

Gosh, i kind of miss McGill all of a sudden. The life, the scenery, the evening sky, the walk home and the smell of freedom and independence. AND new york city being only 8 hours bus ride away. Gawd i am so going to miss all this! Wish i was going on exchange THIS semester instead :D

Anyway! Gotta pull up my socks and stop being so full of negativity. There is always something to look forward to, be it a sweet treat or a glass of champagne.

More glorious days ahead, i am sure.

Sunday, July 25, 2010 / 3:20 AM

sick with worry
paralysed with fear
chills down the spine
throbbing headache
churning stomach

sigh sigh sigh. what is my future like?

Saturday, July 24, 2010 / 1:22 AM

some cries always go unheard, some abuses go unseen.
the wounds are not always visible, because sometimes they cut deep inside.
while standing on the ledge, how many people actually think they could step back down because they had something to look forward to? something that incites hope and desire in them, to reignite that want.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010 / 10:34 PM

The days have been long with the nights unbearably short. It's like the stars cease to twinkle in the night sky even though they are just burning rocks. Even burning rocks can be called stars. Wonder if that is a praise or euphemism?

Sometimes people tend to want more than they can actually stomach. Even if they are at the brink of death or point of no return some desist and continue.

She slaps on more make up and smiles to the crowd, ever being so endearing and popular, but shuts every window and every door.

He leans forward and blows your mind with words and imagination, but somehow being rooted to the ground and being clear headed stops the channels of communication. Maybe you need some special glasses.

He changes his hairstyle and glasses, and makes fun of you. Switches between being caring to being downright despicable, shooting arrows of sarcasm and acid laced stares towards you.

She alternates personalities, being a wonder woman of all sorts, amazes you with the tricks up her bubble sleeves.

Oh boy we could go on and on with each persona.

Sunday, July 18, 2010 / 12:42 AM

Watched Dear John on the plane back to singapore. So much things to be said, yet we let the sands of time slip by.

We are all coins. I was minted in 1989, you some years before me. We were mere sheets of metal, but through time we have been carved and straightened, cut around the edges, forming ridges and shape.

And i look lovingly upon the cake placed in a big plate, wondering how to eat it without any unduly worries. And to not feel so stressed out about the decorum and arrangement of the cutlery.

We are all coins.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 / 8:50 PM
back in sapporo

back in sapporo and happy with my purchases today! mum got lost in the shopping mall and created a big hooha and i went to look for her. basket. not being appreciated but she reprimanded me in front of so many people. fuck. made me felt like such an idiot. but i am better already! i should not let small things like these bother me too much. afterall i am on vacationnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

loads of things i want to do when i get back, have even drafted up a list of things to be done! internet here is damn slowwwwwwww and i am paying 100yen per 10 minutes to use this station, with waiting time for pages to load averaging about 4 minutes? :(

anyway!! weather here is getting really awesome, and i love how summery sapporo is, with the sun shining gloriously and yet it is oh so comfortable. love the way the japanese live. wish i could come here for exchange because seriously, the stuff here are NICEEE! shopping is going to be my main preoccupation if i come here.

and the girls here are seriously dressed to the nines. their makeup and hair is like totally mind blowing, although some can be a little over the top. seriously, i dont know how they do it everyday. haha but this inspires me to learn from them!

the keyboard here is seriously #$%"%WERW#$%"#$"$"@3@. cannot find some keys i need!

anyway, gotta let things be for a while. stuff. i like to leave things where they are and sometimes i dont like to sort them out, unless i absolutely have to.

gonna take a nice shower, maybe soak in the bath tub a bit, and just relax. fruits picking tmr! :)

Sunday, July 11, 2010 / 7:41 AM
in hokkaido

using the internet at the hotel lobby above chitose airport in hokkaido right now! albeit a little uncomfortable, since i am standing at a table that is pretty non-ergonomic.

heading to the ishiya cookie factory later today, or bai se lian ren, the famous cookie produced right here in hokkaido and has mesmerised the taste buds of every one who has tasted this divine cookie. hoping for photo opportunities but well, all aunties and uncles and elders here who i am unable to communicate with. generation gap, you may call it.

as it turns out, i am the YOUNGEST here in the whole group, and the eldest is about 85? haha. loads of patience and perseverance needed in order to accomodate the pace of every one.

second day today, and 5 more days to go! hopefully i will be able to enjoy this trip totally and be able to do things the way i like it, because well i dont suppose i will become besties with a 65 year old auntie? hahahahhahaha.

damn the keyboards here have different orientations of the punctuations from ours. struggling between typing and back-spacing :p

hopefully i have internet access at the other hotels, because this hotel has the fastest internet speed and everything already!

jiayou :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010 / 2:49 AM

Its been a good trip, heading to Bali and the best best best thing of it all was SURFING! I managed to stand on the board for like 2 seconds before i fell into the water and landed on my bottom. HAHA. Would totally go back there to surf! Maybe next year i might head back there :)

Heading to Japan later and i cannot even fall asleep. Cannot nap. Not excited over the trip but i just don't feel tired. Not sleepy. I seem to be having insomnia occasionally, falling asleep only at the break of dawn. Maybe i am still jetlagged??? HAHAHA.

Looking back, it seems really fast that i am already heading into my third year in NUS and i feel like i haven't achieved much, if i compare to some others who are really doing well and learning a lot in their undergraduate life. And there are so many modules to look at and decide on which ones to take and to also strive hard to do well for them. Headache!

New semester looming around the corner and its pretty scary.

Gosh, sometimes i still miss McGill and Canada, the life that i lead there, so carefree and fun. And being able to visit places and all. Really amazing.

Whole new woman i shall be :)

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All the love in the world, dear John