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Tuesday, July 31, 2007 / 10:08 PM
running I realised how much i love running. Admittedly, i am not the best runner nor am i part of the Track and Field team, but i just adore running. I'm not exactly athletic yet not your typical couch potato just yet. But still, i indulge myself in some running every now and then. Today calls for a 3.5km run. Just wanted to get rid of my worries and vent my frustrations so i can feel better. School has not been merciful, and some part of me still refuses to budge and accept the cold hard fact. Guess sometimes i am still in delusion and that should not be the case. After all, this is my future that is at stake right? How can i still be so flippant and not serious? I don't know how to "wake up" my "idea" and that has left me scratching the wall. In desperation. So i decided to go running straight after i reached home. I gotta say this: GP= gone and perished. Anyway, i started stretching at the void deck and realised how tight my muscles (if there were any) were. Guess i have been inactive for eons and my limbs are getting flabby. I feel so fat and lethargic at times, and i figured out it was due to the lack of exercise. So in an attempt to unwind and work out, i went running! Shucks. I seem to be beating around the bush and shit is mentioned of the actual run. It was 5pm, and there i was walking down the stretch of running track near Sunset Way. It was certainly breezy, cos my hair and the foliage on the trees were flying all over the place. Taking off my spectacles to just relax my eyes, i realised how easy it felt and how comfortable it was. Being myopic since Primary 3, my glasses were akin to a soldier's helmet. It reassures me. But looking at the world around me WITHOUT my specs actually makes me feel so calming. It was as though everything had this mysterious quality to it, so blurred and yet so clear. The evening breeze and the blue skies just made me feel a lot better. That is the thing about mother nature; it assures you, serves as a support. Then i put back on my specs after 500m and realised i now see better and clearer than before. No philosophical undertones here, okay? I then crossed the road to the other running track and began to run. Everyone around me were the elderly and some middle-aged joggers, and boy they all looked supa fit. It has been so long since i ran and i presume that my stamina must have hit rock bottom. But it turned out okay. Completed 3.5km nicely. Just loved the sweat, the heart pounding and the sore in the legs. It is wondrous what running can do. Though my knee isn't in the healthiest of state, i still love to run. To take flight too? I have been getting really emotional these days, and i cry easily. I hate to be so vulnearable and helpless, cos it means you get slayed anytime. And in this dog-eat-dog world, no one cares about whether you live or die. Sometimes going to school can be compared to that of a lone soldier fighting a war. It's kind of frustrating and ironic at times. Then i really wonder. How come everything changes so drastically as we grow older? Does everyone have to become more scheming and unfeeling towards others? That is certainly NOT the way of life, so why bother to live the kind of life you never want to in the first place? It must be tough... Right now i seem to hit a plateau in my studies. Nothing seems to be progressing yet i am stagnating like a pool of water and the next thing that comes knocking will be Mr Aedes. Blah. I am guessing no one reads my blog, cos well no one actually tags except for a few souls. Then again, readers LOVEEEE pictures more than words right? It is kinda hard to find someone who can analyse my problems, slap me awake, gives me solid advice of praticality and MAKE ME CHANGE FOR THE BETTER! No one actually does it. Is it because of me? Well i wouldn't know about that. I hate to be such a weakling. But no one bothers to understand that. People just think that i am whining incessantly and i am pretending. They all look at one side of me and think i am smart or confident. But hey, there are two sides to a coin right? You cannot just listen to one side of the story and jump to conclusions. There has gotta be assertion and dissention! Its not as if i am a scholastic champion or what. Its a bummer to suck in JC yeah? Sound like some dissatisfied and angsty teen. I'm not. Just typing out my thoughts. Perhaps i am insignificant. Perhaps i am devalued. Perhaps i am just being stupid. There are a milion of reasons why things do not progress as i had hoped for it to be. Its just that life has becomed so gloomy and grim that i seem to be morphing into my school uniform. GAWD. I gotta snap out of this. I sound like some suicidal and sensitive kid who needs counselling. Seriously, the future seems bleak and directionless. I want to get into university so badly!I WANT TO GET INTO UNIVERSITY!!! It shall be my motto and i will intend for it to be fulfilled. jiayou shuli |
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