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Sunday, May 03, 2009 / 8:38 PM
I wish i was less of a coward sometimes. Like being more confrontational when i need to and being more assertive instead of backing down. Sometimes i really don't want to argue, even though i know that i have a stand and that everything was really unnecessary. But it feels futile, and i lack the energy and effort. If, if, if. So nice to say "what if". "What if i had another chance?", "What if i had started revision earlier?" "What if i had been born in a rich family?" "What if i was taller?" "What if i was stronger?" "What if i was famous?" "What if i was more vocal?" So many possibilities but we only have one life, and once chance. Not everyone has the kind of situation in 17 Again, where the protagonist gets another shot at life and lives through being 17 years old over again. Those things only happen in reel life. Crying is a good way to let off emotions, and stress and unhappiness. Sometimes when i talk to people, i feel that they don't hear. It seems like they only hear what they want to hear. They listen, but they don't hear you. It's as if nothing is important to them. So why bother talking? They are not really concerned, not even your bestest friends. It is hard to get someone to hear you, because once in a while they have their own lives to worry about too. Religion helps in a way, giving one an outlet to say something, to tell a higher entity about your daily troubles. Wonder if there is really a higher entity? Someone really floating above the clouds and watching the world. Someone or something we cannot see but we always never fail to pray to, hoping that it/he/she will help us realise our prayers. Or to have divine powers to help change things. Oh boy, i am tired. Some people never change, maintaining their haughty ways despite them having hurt others before. Or rather they choose not to change because this is what makes them handsome or something. I cannot stand them. As much as i try, i stay at arm's length. Because i don't know how to best interact with people who i have no connection with. We think at different frequencies, we have differing attitudes. And tmr is my last paper. Gonna give my best for it although my eyes are really puffy now. SOB. Gonna read more Weber, Marx and whatever nonsense before i retire for the night. OMG so many things to cover and so little time. RAHHHHHHH.  this bag would be the best birthday present. maybe someday i will get it. Or i can just buy it off the rack for MYSELF. Whoo. |
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