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Wednesday, September 06, 2006 / 10:02 PM
... I was just flipping through my memories when i realised something: there is a sad recurrence to a lot of things in my life. Some stupid and dumb things always happen to me. Like how Samsoon always get the creeps as her boyfriends. So utterly stupid of me to always make the same old mistakes over and over again. The same pulling-hair and frowning situations. You know how many trillion times i tried to scream to myself to stop being so silly? I think i am depressed. Perhaps i should take some anti-depressants and run the risk of getting stigmatised by Tom Cruise?HAHA. Anyway, it just feels so surreal bering around these days. Its like there is this horrible disease eating up my soul quietly and slowly, and i feel it but i am not doing anything to curb it. HAHA. Everything is so superficial and fake. Now that i realised the hypocrisy of it all, I am not doing anything. Not taking pragmatic solutions but just watching it all happen. I dunno wads wrong but you know, I cannot help it. Its just like watching someone suffer from internal bleeding and you cant stop the blood. You watch him die. And then there are all the hatred and angst inside me that is hitting the roof. I feel like a thirteen year old. Like i am stuck in some place and all i can do is to take all the shit and not whine a little. The people around in my school just doesnt seem to care or be generally appreciative of your presence. They look pass your eyes. They pretend to not see you. They look away when you wave to them. Then you wonder why you had to subject yourself to all this shit when u could have enjoyed other ppl's company better. You think "Man i din have to go thru all these". But you gotta bear with it cos there is no other way out. You take all the shit as they come. Can even visualise the words "LOSER", "DOORMAT","NIMCOMPOOP","IDIOT" and etc plastered all over your face.PUHLEASE you say, surely things arent tad bad? NO, they are tad bad. I hate to tell myself that this is wad u have chosen so you gotta head down this road. Its your fault so stop trying to blame other ppl for it. You know why this happened so you gotta take responsibility for it. Be proactive! Move your ass and get a life! Then u feel like crying but there are no tears. You seek for true company but no one is there. It feels like you are all alone in a shell and you are blinded by your own fears and anger. I need a hammer.To break out of that.So who can give it to me? |
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