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Monday, December 10, 2007 / 1:56 AM
twelfth night Do you guys know the play Twelfth Night? People who have done the text in secondary school may be kind of familiar with it. You know back in Swiss we used to stage Twelfth Night during school hours? We got the funds after pitching our ideas to some pretty influential people and voila! the play was staged. I recall playing Olivia, the woman in power who yearns for the love of another, yet is badgered by one very persistent Orsino. I still remember how i had to painstakingly memorise the lines and do it in a high-fashion sort of way, trying to sound as "royal" and ostentatious as i could. In the end Olivia ended up with Sebastian and Orsino with Viola and yadda yadda. What i am trying to say is that that some parts of the play do happen in real life. I for once have encountered the episode that Olivia had to go through. She loves another yet she cannot get his attention, while the one that she loathes had to hover around her like an ominous cloud. Orsino had the looks and dough, but his attitude was just plain revolting. Narcissistic, melancholic and insensitive to others' feelings. Sebastian was everything Olivia wanted, yet she had to go through so much to finally have a happy ending with him. But their story falls short of the typical romance novel. Anyway.I have had an Olivia moment too. It just annoys me so much that the guy i like always fail to notice me. It is as if he is blind-folded or something because he never bothers to talk to me much nor even look at me. Pretty sad huh. I am self-deprecating, if not more. How come they never look this way? Why are they always looking at the new girl? The thin, wide-eyed, pouty lips, long raven hair girl? Shucks. I am baffled half the time. People have been saying that maybe i should lower my standards, but hey i have no standards to abide by since there is no one to even set the yardsticks on! Dismal but very real. I hate being so whiny, but sometimes it just gets into my head you know. There will always be this tiny voice inside my head reminding me of all sorts of things i wish i hadn't thought of. There will always be a tinge of envy when i see couples queuing up for movie tickets, hand in hand; couples taking a stroll while talking happily to one another; romance movies or novels where the girl always snags the guy she likes and blah blah blah....Its kind of hard not to notice though. As far as i crave for something new, I'm not desperate like some others. I don't pounce onto every man i see nor do i divert my attention to my close friends. Its just sick. But sometimes failed relationships that i have heard about simply reduces the energy to think about these stuff. You fear that once you step into a relationship you may lose yourself in it or end up getting hurt. Nothing stays gold forever. Perhaps that is the reason why sometimes i am afraid of attention from the opposite sex, especially from people whom i dislike or simply do not think of them as possible boyfriends. I may not have high standards, but there ARE standards still. I know i am a person who sounds like i'm contradicting myself. What do you mean you want and don't really want a guy? Haha. There are times where you just cannot seem to figure out a clear solution because you just cannot make up your mind. There are too many things to think about and you just feel like brushing them aside. Maybe it is just not the right time yet. Maybe the guy that i am looking for is not in Singapore. Maybe they were right. Maybe i set my standards too high. Maybe i shouldnt be so picky. Maybe i should settle for something lesser. Well i don't know man. Gosh i bet it must be the wee hours of the night that is causing all this verbal vomit. I have come to realise that some of my entries about relationships were always written late at night. Perhaps it's the moon. Manipulates how you feel and react to certain issues. Well i hope i find him soon. Wherever he may be. Labels: relationships |
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