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Friday, February 27, 2009 / 1:30 AM
words and people Sometimes i guess heated exchanges are inevitable. But personally, i have a phobia of people shouting at each other, even if it is just for jest. Or even just talking slightly above the normal volume that people talk. It propels me into a start. People just have their ways to communicate with people. Like how do you try to talk to someone you don't really like, for some particular reason? Of course, the situation is usually because of some project, gathering or whatever circumstance that need be to warrant a need to talk to that person you dislike. How do you conceal your hatred and disgust and yet carry on with a nice conversation? Or when you have a major dissent you want to put forth yet don't want to look like you are too demanding or forthcoming? There is a certain level of security from people that you want to maintain, so what will happen to that level when you voice out? Actions are louder than words. Hmm. I wonder if we all can agree to that. So i wish i had the power to turn on the antenna within me and hear as and when i want when a person is speaking and what he or she is really thinking. To be able to hear his inner thoughts and then be able to do things a different way. But then again it is easy to go crazy while trying to listen out for everyone and trying to please everyone. In the end, you just end up fried and burnt. And i loathe how i always have to be favoured in order to do something substantial. As if i am one of the concubines seeking the attention of the Emperor, while trying to elbow another concubine out of the picture. Nonetheless, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I get tired, and i need a break too. So watching Britney:for the record was a salient point of turn. I had no idea her life was such a horror, always having to dodge from paparazzi who disturb her life and make her a prisoner of her own fame. It really shows the down side to the glamourous life that most people think celebs lead, but heck, it all boils down to head shaving and DUI. I pity Britney for the fact that she let the situation take control of her life. She also said that she was sorry for herself that she had let so many people come into her life and take advantage of her. She lives her life like a karate kid. Perhaps i should emulate her way of thinking. To stay amidst all the tribulations a happy and positive person as much as i can. To not focus so hard on the results but rather the satisfaction and the amount of effort invested. To not be so conscious and wary all the time. And at this point, i am physically and mentally exhausted. With days ending at 3am, i wonder how much damage am i doing to myself. And i wish people would stop demanding so much from me. As much as i want to help and be useful, there is only so much that i can do. Really hate how some things are going on right now. I most certainly hope that i won't lose my mind. |
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