happenstance

Sunday, March 18, 2007 / 1:13 AM

tears and fears

It is highly ironic why women always seem to be the ones who suffer in relationships. At least in the way i see it. They are always the ones who shed tears after a fight and compromise to banish their fears,at least for a while. It always seems to be the case. Men, on the other hand, think women are dependent on them thus they will do anything to provoke them or make them cry. This is especially so during a cold war both parties are in, where sometimes the man will do practically anything to upset the woman in an attempt to get back at her for being such an idiot.

Think this is a one-sided argument? Trust me. I have seen better.

Sometimes i wonder why do people get married. Marriage means the union of two people, irregardless of gender but i shall be assuming it is between a man and a woman. They register for their marriage at the Registry of Marriages, pick out wedding gowns and rings, buy a house, take bridal photos, host a lavish dinner at some hotel and then go for their honeymoon at some fancy destination and come home with lots of smiles, souvenirs and brimming with happiness. Is this what most people think of a MARRIAGE? Well, if you realise, "and so they lived happily ever after" only appears in fairy tales. And when we say fairy tales, they are usually stories from a figment of our imaginations and woven to satisfy the romantic thoughts of young children. THAT'S IT.

What comes after the preliminary round of impeccable love, trust and support? Arguments, complaints, tears, fears, woes and these are what could possibly cause a marriage breakdown, if not in the long run.

Couples have to understand that a marriage takes two to work, just like it takes two to clap. If one party is unwilling to cooperate and try to get things going, the marriage will be stagnant and soon, it fizzles out and all that are left are regrets and whines. Then the classic case of the woman who suffers comes about and the MCPs think that they have the right to think that they are right. And what happens to their children? They have to live with the endless screaming matches and try to keep their heads above the water. What is this? Is this why people get married for? If it is the case then i would rather people stay single and just be with themselves. At least we can save the children from getting implicated, where they have to take sides and bear with the emotional stress.

There was an article featured in today's Straits Times and it was about how divorces affect the children. Usually, the parents go through a series of fights and bickering, throwing stuff, slamming doors and one of them moves out of or leaves the house. Sometimes they just cannot stand living with the other under one roof and need some personal space, or it could be that they have already found a new partner. And the children, especially if they are really young, are confused and helpless. They wouldn't understand why daddy and mummy are fighting and why is one of them not seen around the house anymore. Sometimes, they will be forced to take sides and help one of the parents, and this usually adds stress to them. It IS emotionally draining both for the adult and child. Some of them turn rebellious to wreak revenge on their parents for making them feel so pressurised and unhappy, or they turn the other way, being more proactive and not letting their parents' affairs get them down. I would most certainly prefer the latter outcome, cos it sounds so promising and hopeful. But we have to recognise the fact that most of the time, reality is harsh and not everything can turn out the way we want them to. Guess that's how life really is.

On a brighter note, there ARE still some couples who keep the love growing even after 70 years of marriage. They hold hands while in public, gives each other affectionate kisses on the cheeks, laugh and live happily together and still maintain that pure and innocent love when they first met. I love these couples who make an effort to maintain their marriage and to improve on it too. A marriage should not be just about how the bride looks in the bridal photos or whether there is shark's fin for the wedding reception, but more importantly, it is about mutual love, respect and trust that are unconditional and unlimited. It sounds easy, but we all know it is not. Still, it IS worth trying.

So before you take such a great leap of faith to marry someone, make sure it is one decision carefully thought over and weighed, and most importantly whether you are following your heart. Is he the man you had coveted all your life? Is she really the one and only? Don't get married on impulse or you think it will be great, only to slack and get into trouble.

I am by no means a marriage consultant or psychologist, but these are just my thoughts about some issues that should be thrown into sharper focus.

Oh yeah to end it off, i would like to tell all people who like to SMS that it is VERY RUDE to send text messages to people in CAPITALISED WORDS to remind them of something, or especially so when you need their cooperation in some matters. This is particularly directed to an acquaintance in my school who asked me to do something. I thought it was revolting and HE should reflect on this misdemeanor of him. It was so rude and curt, even my brother was so angry that someone actually did this. He thought it was pathetic and that the person should have thought better. I agree. SO whoever that is, please take note of this and CHANGE YOUR BAD HABIT, before you get some others so peeved that you may get sued.

Learn some good manners, and people will thank you for that.