Tuesday, September 04, 2007 / 12:17 AM
wants

Been kind of melancholy this week. Studying hard for Prelims and trying to keep my head above the water. These wants just sort of popped up in my mind, prolly due to the amount of newspaper articles i have been perusing.

  1. i want (NEED!) to get a minimum of B for every subject for my A Levels
  2. i want to fall in love with a nice guy and date him
  3. i want to lose the unnecessary fats on me
  4. because of 3., i want to get more clothes
  5. i want to go to Hokkaido, Tokyo, Belgium, Greece, Paris, Taiwan, New York, LA for some serious sight-seeing and holidaying!
  6. i want to get into NUS
  7. i want to build a house by a lake
  8. i want to ride a horse freely in the wilderness
  9. i want to have good job prospects
  10. i want to be happy
Well, some of the above are not too hard to fulfill cos its about time or money. Others depend on myself. Really stressed out by the Prelims, but not too stressed enough. Keep feeling complacent and a little lethargic. I hate to be unprepared, yet i'm kind of causing this insecurity. ARGHHHH.

Anyway, my mum said something fun the other day when i was complaining about my lack of romantic life. I was going on and on about how "deprived" i am and how unwanted her daughter is. Seriously, where are the guys?!?!

Then she was saying i should take my time, maybe include this boyfriend thing in my prayers too. But i shrugged, cause i dun wanna pray for a boyfriend! Doesn't it seem a little, weird? So i was saying that at 18 and without a boyfriend unlike many of my peers, i feel a little left out and you know, i'm a sucker for romance and its just....ugh! So she was like so what if you are 18? Who knows...you may meet the One when you are 28!

Ok i shudder at the next empty 10 years.

Anyway, its all getting a little too busy for boyfriend-hunting, at least not with the scarce resources i am getting in my circle of friends. Man, what happened to resource allocation? Allocative efficiency?!!?

I'm losing my mind.

Its kinda ironic that i am typing down all these late at night. But the night makes one even more melancholic. Years i've had this crush on this one guy, but strangely there seems to be no chemistry going on between the two of us. It has always been one-sided. He takes me as an acquaintance, just someone to say hi and bye to. He's not mean or whatsoever, just normal. I have never told him how i felt but maintained this friendship at arm's length. Its ok, i guess.

There have been confessions to me but i never agreed. Probably its because i don't see the other side of the equation. Or there were no mutual feelings. Maybe its all about the feeling. If the feeling is right, its gonna be a whirlwind romance. But i've never gotten that, though sometimes i think about it.

Boo what's wrong with me?Hahaha..talking about all these. Maybe i should really be a DJ or something, get my own show and just talk. Would love that.

Anyway, econs consultation tmr. A day of exchange rates, monetary policy and assumptions to whack!

your life lays out like the shadows of the wall
you turn the lights on to release them all
you wonder what's it like to not feel worthless
so open all the blinds and turn those curtains

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All the love in the world, dear John