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Sunday, May 25, 2008 / 11:18 PM
parents I have a fear of loud voices. This entry would seem vaguely familiar to some who read my blog regularly, because i am afraid of people quarreling. When i hear loud and raised voices, i get anxious and nervous. That is the harbinger to an awful quarrel. And i hate fights and quarrels. My parents quarreled again today. As the only child who is always around the house, i get to "participate" in these quarrels. Sometimes i do it with grace and poise, sometimes i manage to get by between sniffs and sobs. I was easily affected by their fights, but now i just take it with a pinch of salt. These fights are like a staple to my life, occasionally thrown in for flavour and spice. Haha. The topic never changes, and the central theme always revolves around the "Evils of Religion". In fact, my parents' fights can be chronicled into a play or something, since they explore so many themes like love and hate, material possessions, religion, equity and communication. There may be more themes or what so ever, but i don't think i want to categorise them here. It is a chore. Conversations, or rather shouting matches usually are about the SAME things, and they NEVER change. Lists of complains and grumbles just get longer and longer. What used to be lovely about the other party is now revolting and sickening... Seeing how my parents' marriage is crumbling because of different religions, I am beginning to feel scared for myself. Will my boyfriend be ok? Will he be acceptive to my religion? Will he be supportive? What if i end up the same way as my mum? Sometimes i yearn to be in a relationship, but i am afraid that i will be a bad girlfriend. I was thinking that it is best to date or marry someone who is in Soka Gakkai too, so that we wouldn't fight in the future because our religions were different. It would hurt too much. And if we have children, they would be affected emotionally. But these would be the last of my worries since i have yet to find myself a boyfriend yet. Man, i just loathe how my parents embroil everything into their fights. The solution is so simple and clear, yet neither party wants to compromise and settle. I wish i was studying overseas. That way, i can escape from such quarrels for at least 3 years. It bothers me so much. Bugs me. If only my parents could be less childish... But i am pretty distraught that they cannot. Oh well, I will definitely try hard to maintain my relationship with my boyfriend, if i have one in future. At least i will not be like my parents, squabbling over the slightest things. Sigh. Tomorrow will be a better day. |
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