Thursday, March 31, 2011 / 3:47 PM

I don't like to have to smile and make merry with you all the time, pretending to be high and have to jostle for attention. Humans are social animals but i don't see why i should do that all the time. It makes me sick that you don't have to do it while there is this a priori expectation required of me, as if i have to suck up to you. There are times that i really feel very sian about all this kind of pandering, and people who expect me to behave in a certain way because they EXPECT me to. Like i have to laugh and make jokes all the time, be super cheerful, eat a lot. I won't even begin to apologise for my disdain in the nature of friendship we have sometimes. Perhaps it's because i have a very high set of expectations of what i hope to get out of your friendship, and that's just utterly saddening when you don't seem to reach those benchmarks. Gosh, it gets me riled up to see how sometimes you can be so unfeeling and purposely ignore my feelings. It's as if you see someone has cut herself and then you say, aiyoh, your blood dirtied the floor. Typing this on er ge's netbook. Still has his stuff on it. My life is on a downward spiral. And i don't have anyone to pull me out of it.

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musings of a superhero girl
All the love in the world, dear John