Saturday, March 19, 2011 / 11:30 PM
Remember Love

My heart feels like it has been ripped into pieces after watching this one episode of Incredible Tales. It was about how two friends who went on a trip together met with a car accident, and one of them who is dating their mutual friend, died. He loved the lady deeply, and after he died at the crash site his soul came back to find the woman and his friend, to urge them to be together.

I felt very affected by the scenes, because it reminded me of Er Ge.

He crashed his car too, and died at the spot. We went to identify his body at the morgue. We brought him back.

It was a painful reminder to what i had gone through, and i wondered if Er Ge was watching us all the time, trying to reach out to us and talk to us and say how sorry he is and how he wished that this never happened. He must have been at the corner of the room, trying to talk to us and yet feeling relieved that his family is finally here for him, to bring him back to where is home. And i cannot imagine that pain and anguish that must have engulfed him, where he stood looking at his mangled car and dead body at the accident site.

His beloved car was also being looted and his blackberry stolen. Can you imagine his sense of helplessness? His anger? He had so much waiting for him, to be realised, and all this can never be fulfilled because of a moment. Stupid rain, bloody rain that had to come at this time! WHY !!!!

Every time i think of my er ge, i feel very sad.

I remembered there was this one time when i was in year 2, he asked me to drive he and his friends to the airport when i was still a fresh driver. I was a bit scared, but heck there was nothing to lose. We took PIE down, and his friends, 2 ladies, were at the back while he sat beside me. It started to rain real heavily, and visibility was very low. I got very scared and worried because we were on the highway and driving at at least 60km/h with low visibility. So er ge asked me to slow down, switch on my headlights and wiper, and pay attention to the road. It was really very very heavy, and i could only see the lights of the car directly in front of me. So i listened to what he asked me to do.

He even tried to scare me, saying that that certain part of the road was haunted and there may be white figures floating across the road. I was annoyed, and went wah lao, trying to scare me ah!! He laughed, and so did his friends at the back. And then we reached the airport safely and he went overseas with his friends. It was nice, and the drive back was comfortable, with the rain stopping already and the sun out, just nice for sunset.

I miss you er ge, i miss you so much that i cannot sleep at night, waiting for you to come back. Somehow i always wish you could come back, enter my dreams and tell me and talk to me, being there and letting me see you again. I miss you so much!!!! Why won't you come back?? Do you want me to cry till i am blind? Please come back, scold me, tell me off, just don't disappear and don't let me find you at all. Why won't you show yourself? Why cant i see you? Why do you have to go just like that? Do you know that i miss you so much? Do you know that i cry a lot? Do you know that i wish you were here to give me advice on everything? Do you know that i miss you showing me all those cool videos? Do you know that i miss seeing your room light on whenever i walk home? Do you know that i miss hearing you come out of your room and refill your bottle? Do you know that i miss coming home and seeing you in your room at your desk playing with your computer?

er ge, i miss you a lot. 我真的很想再看到你。虽然我害怕你会用什么样子回来, 可是我还是很想再见你,看到你的人,听到你的声音。有时我真的很难过,可是我不知道要怎么办。你每次都会让我觉得很有安全感,所以有什么表格,我一定放你的名字和电话,因为我知道需要联络你的时候,你一定都让人找得到。但是为什么我现在要找你却找不到?你去了哪里?为什么不见了?

快回来,我们都在等你。我好想好想见到你。二哥,你的妹妹很想你!!!!!!! 快回来吧。。。 这样的日子很辛苦,很难受。

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musings of a superhero girl
All the love in the world, dear John