happenstance

Sunday, March 25, 2007 / 1:56 AM

swamped

This has been hell of a week. Papers, training, SYF and drama night auditions, assignments, class gatherings, friendly matches and the lack of sleep. COOL. I was so tired that i slept even while i was writing and listening to the math lecture on complex numbers locus. Sheesh. That was so horrible because i felt that i did not understand anything and the examples are just words and figures to me. For a moment all that was in my head was the mattress and pillow.

But anyway, it made me reflect on how slack i was in JC1. I went home early everyday, ignoring all CCAs i was in and just went home. I remembered always reaching home at about 3 in the afternoon and then relaxing, do some reading and that was pretty much it till bed time. Of course, i did some studying and work but as compared to NOW, I think my life now is much more fulfilling. It feels so real to be busy and tired cos it means you are not just living your life purely by inhaling and exhaling but doing some stuff.

I may not be an excellent table tennis player, but at least i try to practise and play as much as i can and be the best i can. I cannot provide really nice serves that the opponents cannot handle but then still its good practice. I am not a very intelligent student who does really well in GP and other subjects but i try my best by at least staying awake in his tutorials and listen intently and take down notes. I may not be a really good person with impeccable character cos i am cynical, blunt and sometimes silly, but i try to make up to my friends by making them laugh and to listen-not hear- their worries and happiness.

This is how life really works. We cannot be perfect and sweet to everyone we meet cos there will be some sucker out there who is out to ruin your day. So we make up for our shortcomings through some other channel. Or some other methods. Good ones i suppose.

Right now school is pretty tough for me. The one thing that is bugging me are my GRADES. Gosh. I really need someone to knock some senses into me. I just cannot seem to concentrate and take in all that is taught. I feel flippant sometimes, and that really disgusts me a lot. Why am i being so slack? Not taking everything seriously? How am i going to make up for this?

Man, really need help. Any help.I need to be more serious and focus on my studies more. Nationals are next week and i just hope things will be ok. I just wanna play well and do the team proud. Sigh. So swamped with all the commitments and some ppl who never understands the situation. Like my mum who always think that i am going out when i am having trainings. MAN THIS IS SO SILLY.

Really tired and exhausted. So many things to do, so little time. But its kind of pointless to just sit here and whine while typing away at the keyboard.GOTTA PULL MY SOCKS UP!

life is full of ironies.
when you are young, you travel in a baby pram.
when old, you travel in a wheel-chair.
when young, you enter the world in a rectangular container.
when old, you leave the world in a rectangular wooden box.
when young you wear diapers cos you cannot control your bladder.
when old you wear diapers because you lose control of your bladder.
when young you are fed from a milk bottle.
when old you are fed with milk though a tube inserted in your nose.
when young you lie in your cot all day long.
when old you are confined to the bed all day long.
when young you speak gibberish.
when old you forget everything.
Such is life isn't it?
A cyclical motion that brings about our end.
A greater Justice that descends upon us
To give our final judgment.
Life is ironic.
The parallels of universe.
Life is ironic.
Don't let it trickle away.

Sunday, March 18, 2007 / 1:13 AM

tears and fears

It is highly ironic why women always seem to be the ones who suffer in relationships. At least in the way i see it. They are always the ones who shed tears after a fight and compromise to banish their fears,at least for a while. It always seems to be the case. Men, on the other hand, think women are dependent on them thus they will do anything to provoke them or make them cry. This is especially so during a cold war both parties are in, where sometimes the man will do practically anything to upset the woman in an attempt to get back at her for being such an idiot.

Think this is a one-sided argument? Trust me. I have seen better.

Sometimes i wonder why do people get married. Marriage means the union of two people, irregardless of gender but i shall be assuming it is between a man and a woman. They register for their marriage at the Registry of Marriages, pick out wedding gowns and rings, buy a house, take bridal photos, host a lavish dinner at some hotel and then go for their honeymoon at some fancy destination and come home with lots of smiles, souvenirs and brimming with happiness. Is this what most people think of a MARRIAGE? Well, if you realise, "and so they lived happily ever after" only appears in fairy tales. And when we say fairy tales, they are usually stories from a figment of our imaginations and woven to satisfy the romantic thoughts of young children. THAT'S IT.

What comes after the preliminary round of impeccable love, trust and support? Arguments, complaints, tears, fears, woes and these are what could possibly cause a marriage breakdown, if not in the long run.

Couples have to understand that a marriage takes two to work, just like it takes two to clap. If one party is unwilling to cooperate and try to get things going, the marriage will be stagnant and soon, it fizzles out and all that are left are regrets and whines. Then the classic case of the woman who suffers comes about and the MCPs think that they have the right to think that they are right. And what happens to their children? They have to live with the endless screaming matches and try to keep their heads above the water. What is this? Is this why people get married for? If it is the case then i would rather people stay single and just be with themselves. At least we can save the children from getting implicated, where they have to take sides and bear with the emotional stress.

There was an article featured in today's Straits Times and it was about how divorces affect the children. Usually, the parents go through a series of fights and bickering, throwing stuff, slamming doors and one of them moves out of or leaves the house. Sometimes they just cannot stand living with the other under one roof and need some personal space, or it could be that they have already found a new partner. And the children, especially if they are really young, are confused and helpless. They wouldn't understand why daddy and mummy are fighting and why is one of them not seen around the house anymore. Sometimes, they will be forced to take sides and help one of the parents, and this usually adds stress to them. It IS emotionally draining both for the adult and child. Some of them turn rebellious to wreak revenge on their parents for making them feel so pressurised and unhappy, or they turn the other way, being more proactive and not letting their parents' affairs get them down. I would most certainly prefer the latter outcome, cos it sounds so promising and hopeful. But we have to recognise the fact that most of the time, reality is harsh and not everything can turn out the way we want them to. Guess that's how life really is.

On a brighter note, there ARE still some couples who keep the love growing even after 70 years of marriage. They hold hands while in public, gives each other affectionate kisses on the cheeks, laugh and live happily together and still maintain that pure and innocent love when they first met. I love these couples who make an effort to maintain their marriage and to improve on it too. A marriage should not be just about how the bride looks in the bridal photos or whether there is shark's fin for the wedding reception, but more importantly, it is about mutual love, respect and trust that are unconditional and unlimited. It sounds easy, but we all know it is not. Still, it IS worth trying.

So before you take such a great leap of faith to marry someone, make sure it is one decision carefully thought over and weighed, and most importantly whether you are following your heart. Is he the man you had coveted all your life? Is she really the one and only? Don't get married on impulse or you think it will be great, only to slack and get into trouble.

I am by no means a marriage consultant or psychologist, but these are just my thoughts about some issues that should be thrown into sharper focus.

Oh yeah to end it off, i would like to tell all people who like to SMS that it is VERY RUDE to send text messages to people in CAPITALISED WORDS to remind them of something, or especially so when you need their cooperation in some matters. This is particularly directed to an acquaintance in my school who asked me to do something. I thought it was revolting and HE should reflect on this misdemeanor of him. It was so rude and curt, even my brother was so angry that someone actually did this. He thought it was pathetic and that the person should have thought better. I agree. SO whoever that is, please take note of this and CHANGE YOUR BAD HABIT, before you get some others so peeved that you may get sued.

Learn some good manners, and people will thank you for that.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 / 1:26 AM

common test 1

Wrote 2 essays for GP. The one i handed up did not have a proper flow nor conclusion. Comprehension was incomprehensible.
Practical Criticism of Lit Paper One was horrific.
Economics was a flurry of words but none that i could read.
Mathematics was just a display of my stupidity.
Geography was crap, coupled with some silly examples and references.
Lit Paper Three was grotesque, and i could feel T.S Eliot turning in his grave and Owen sighing.

The above mentioned are the horrors not of war, but of the badly scarred me who went through the FIRST block test. Throw in some discomfort and flu and wha la, you get a result slip full of Us!Hur hur...Nothing much to say except that i have not done my best and i was complacent. Like an idiot. Really ashamed at myself and afraid to get back my results. It will definitely be unpleasant and painful.

BUT HEY, it's done right? There is really nothing much I can do except to brave myself up for the music to be faced.

Anyway, here's a link that is really cool and all girls should go take a look.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html

Go watch it and see wad suckers we really are.
Sometimes.

Friday, March 02, 2007 / 7:50 PM

pictures taken at my house during chinese new year