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Sunday, May 30, 2010 / 6:27 PM
朋友 今天让我感到有点烦。 平时恼人的天气，今天却凉快得很。蓝蓝的天空，只有些许的云朵。凌晨下的一场雨，它的踪迹，我早上才看见。 好纳闷，好烦。不知道自己究竟得罪了谁，今天有些不顺心。 聊天本来应该是愉快的，但一点点的小事，却可以让我感到极为的反感，痛心，后悔。 可能这就是小说和连续剧常有的情节，当一个人离开了她的朋友和社交圈子去别的地方或什么的，回来的时候一切都不一样了。 家人永远都在。房间也一样。可是真挚的友情，就真的这么不堪一击？ 有时候我看着你，然后回想以前的你，真的觉得我喜欢以前的你。我喜欢我们可以聊到天昏地暗， 聊到不想回家。现在，我觉得有点勉强。你并不快乐，总觉得你心不在焉，老是在想别的事情和人。 你可能会说我敏感，想太多。 我也告诉自己不要想那么多，顺着感觉走，一切自然。可是人都是会改变的，没有人会和你合拍一辈子。 想到这点我觉得好难过，很想哭。 也对啦，不能鱼与熊掌。商场得意，情场失意， 难免的事。放手后， 可能天空会跟辽阔， 心情也会开朗一些。有些人只是生命中的过路客， 只有短暂的停留， 然后就拂袖而去了。 真希望有些朋友能是一辈子的。 你可以吗？ |
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Thursday, May 27, 2010 / 12:48 PM
this too shall pass Once upon a time, a king wanted something that would remind him of life. Something durable that he could carry with him and yet ornate. Something that would remind him that times of happiness and joy may not last, while sadness and anger will dissipate sooner or later. With that, he thought he would approach the famous jeweler so that he might make him something that he wants. And so the king and his entourage decided to make a trip to the town to find this jeweler. The jeweler was hard at work at his pieces, making fine jewelery for his customers and finishing up his orders for the day. It had been yet another day where people from all over the country had came to his little shop with sketches and desires, wanting him to create the best jewelery one can ever dream of. The jeweler was sipping a cup of tea when the king entered the shop, and he looked up. The king walked up to the jeweler and said, "Make me a piece of jewelery that would remind me of sadness when i am happy and happiness when i am sad, something that would remind me not to take everything for granted and to know that all good and bad things would come to an end. Make me a good piece of jewelery! You have three days. If you cannot make me what i want, your head shall roll." With that, the king walked out of the shop, leaving the jeweler alone in silence, with the steam still coming from his half drank tea. "What am i supposed to do? What kind of jewelery would fit what the king wants?" Soon, it was the third day. The day where the jeweler was supposed to present the piece of jewelery that the king wants. Suddenly, the jeweler had an idea. A brilliant idea. The king walked into the shop, "Where is my piece of jewelery?", he asked. "Here, Your Majesty." It was a simple ring. Nothing fancy, just a ring. "WHAT IS THIS!" "Your Majesty, please, please take a good look at it." It was no simple ring. The ring had an inscription on the inside that said: This too shall pass. |
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Wednesday, May 26, 2010 / 1:09 AM
so much colours I think Mr Camera was right about a lot of things. We are all SNAGs. Still walking around in circles, except that he has found his sparkle in the form of fishsoup :) Somewhere along the lines, i wonder if my sparklets will appear soon. And yea, sometimes i can be a bitch. Sometimes i look back and realised that i have changed a lot, physically and mentally. No longer that poor thing with her spectacles but raring to go now. But hey, just so you know, no one in this world slows down and hands you their lecture notes with information all over it. Nobody stops and smell the roses. And disposable cameras. No, just always protect yourself and make sure you get the life vest and get on the life boat. Or get the most spacious seat on the whole plane. Which would be either first/business class or ironically at the emergency exit. So don't you wish you could have an "eject for the day" button for your life? Being overseas was sure an eye opener, especially so for the return part. So much colours exploding everywhere, that i want to shout for it to stop. Cease and desist! Go away! Come here! Crazy antics, superficial sweets. Anyway, it's time to get my life back in order. |
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010 / 4:16 AM
lines We all traverse along these lines, sometimes the circles. They go on and on, never seeming to end. With a touch of the sparkles, a road opens up almost immediately, and we do a little twirl and swirl and hop on the route. These lines never seem to want to come to a stop. It keeps moving in all directions and there are infinite possibilities. It seems to head up to the hill top but every way ends up at the hill top anyway. Smothered fruits? Maybe. But in between episodes of joy and grieve and anger, we learn to deal with ourselves. Handling all our sides and perspectives we learn and grow, while some fall off the branches and are at one with the earth. The sun rises and it sets, never failing its task that it has been doing since the start of god knows when. And now it's the early morning, as i head to bed and bid you good night. |
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Sunday, May 23, 2010 / 10:05 PM
phone It's the same old phone that i have been using for some time now. I love it because the camera function is really good and i love to take pictures with it. And i can edit the photos with different settings and all that! Touch screen and all its good. Love it a lot because it's so convenient and handy. Then suddenly i receive this $100 voucher that gives me 5 mobile phones to choose from. Only 5 smart phones and i have to make a decision by 31st May. But i don't know if i should go ahead and get the BlackBerry. The camera function is not that good. And i love to take pictures without the trouble of carrying yet another camera along with my phone. So what is a girl supposed to do. To change or not to change. But it means giving up on the current comfort and delving into exploring new grounds. To have to forgo some things, learn to compromise and understand that you might not get anything in return. Or to the extent that the past glories and achievements might really be a thing of the past. Scary thought huh. Either you stick to your old guns that fire weak shots, or abandon all together and seek for new weapons. Join an artillery or gather some ammunition to fend for yourself. Technology is king. Or queen. |
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Saturday, May 22, 2010 / 1:36 AM
sawdust It's the sense of reality seeping in, or gushing in from all corners and directions that you cannot help but feel that the empire and helm that you once held is now slowly leaking and slipping away, and there is no way you can reverse this nor stop it. And i feel a sense of misfortune yet a desire to set things right. But i know that one cannot cry over spilled milk. And therefore i question my motives and rationale, and i wonder about what other people actually are thinking. It perturbs me greatly. It's like a sawdust in my finger. I can see the prick there and it actually hurts when i press against it, but i can also choose to leave it there and let my skin get inflamed. But i don't want to leave it inside my skin. If i take it out, it hurts too much and i don't know if i can survive the pain. Some words cannot be spoken to the right people. Like **. Nothing much is left of us. We look through our memory bank, but only i am left to reminisce. It's nice to think of us once in a while. The friendship and all. But it's okay i think. People change, people move on. No point harping on something that is no longer there. Haha. Different perspective, different attitudes. Outlooks. |
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Friday, May 14, 2010 / 1:06 PM
homebound   Well i am at Montreal airport now while waiting to board the flight for tomorrow. Or rather later today at 9am. It has been a long journey, with me applying for SEP and getting into McGill after being rejected by Berkeley (sigh!) and then going ahead to fight to be able to go on exchange. Although i didn't manage to save much, it's all thanks to my family that my expenses and all could be thoroughly supported and this whole experience made possible. Exchange was so surreal and sometimes it felt almost unreal. Haha. I wish i could return to where i left off, and yet sometimes i wish i could be able to be a fusion of the old and new. Not really brand new, but different in some ways. Better cook and homemaker :P Guess all of these are precious memories to hold on to, and at times i might look back on them and laugh them off. Some incidents are really silly, not worth mentioning, and sometimes we all look back at a certain incident and laugh or bitch about it. But anyway, what matters is that i have enjoyed my SEP, although the exam period was hell and being alone taking such heavy modules wasn't really fun. Perhaps it would have been better if i had used the money that i spent on exchange to go on a holiday and tour around the States. That might be a more carefree and fun way! Definitely more worth it to enjoy a vacation with those money. Conflicting views sometimes. Ultimately, going on exchange really depends on personal choice. Some might say it's a waste of money, some might say it buys us valuable experiences. Any o how, it's everyone's prerogative. Today was a mad rush for me, as i flew from San Francisco to Montreal, with a transit at Chicago. We were delayed at SF, because Air Canada changed its flight to United Airlines' and we had to join a very long queue and all to check in. After that we had to join another q (which we accidentally cut the queue because we didn't know where it started from) to go through the security checks and all. After that we walked really fast to our gate and only found out that our flight was delayed by about 1.5 hours. This meant that we missed our Chicago connecting flight to Montreal! After we reached Chicago, we bolted out to find out if we were slotted onto the next flight heading to Montreal. So we first headed to the United Airlines' check in machines but they couldn't read our tickets. So we ran to some UA gate and asked the guy what to do. Then we RAN to Terminal 2. FIRST TIME IN SEP I RAN SO FAST OKAY, SOMEMORE DRAGGING ONE LUGGAGE! Anyway that's not the point. So we ran to the Air Canada counter since they had the next available flight towards Montreal and HURRAY WE GOT SEATS! Didn't really sleep for the whole flight, and used the 3 hours watching Shutter Island, which sadly was interrupted by too many announcements by the pilot and i didn't manage to finish the movie. So after we got off we met SY at the airport. The poor guy had been stuck at the airport for the past 20 over hours because his flight back to Singapore got cancelled at the eleventh hour. YIKES. So we left our barang barang with him and hopped on the 747 express bus from the airport to downtown. J's place was pretty far from the bus stop, so we had to navigate and walk a little. Kind of strange to be back in Montreal, the place where i had lived for the past 5 months! Walking through Ste Catherine and St Urbain felt so so so deja vu. And looking at McGill University is so strange. Paying my bills felt almost like a clear cut from the school already. Felt so sad despite the hell that McGill has given me in the past 5 months. Then we finally reached J's place and washed up, packed a little and then took a cab towards the airport. Stopped over at Tim Horton's to get our last cup of grande iced cappucino then sped towards the airport. Bringing all our luggages and then met SY. We even packed our stuff in public! Well, now its just waiting and all before our flight. Sitting in Montreal airport, alone on the marble bench, with people walking here and there, cars passing by, trolleys being pushed, cleaners cleaning the floor, machines buzzing... I feel a sense of loss. Like THIS IS IT! Damn. AIYOH. Heart ache :| Going back home already... just hope for the best for everything when i return. The people, the money, the stuff and of course, my birthday party. Just want to have a really sweet and memorable 21st birthday party! Not going to sleep since i am trying to adjust my body clock back to the Singapore timing. All the way till i board the plane! FEW MORE HOURS TILL I LEAVE FOR SINGAPORE!!! |
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010 / 12:50 AM
vegas Here in Las Vegas, where everything is bright and glitzy, almost of a state of opulence and sometimes just bordering on being too tacky. Last day in Vegas, and going to catch a plane to San Francisco later. After that i will be heading back to Montreal and then it's Singapore! Somehow looking at facebook photos, skype conversations, msn conversations and emails, i find that the gap between people sometimes does become bigger with time. You can't help but think that distance exacerbates problems. Conversations become highly superficial, with a few exchanges of words before all fall silent. Then you say your byes and ttys and that's pretty much it. Or you ask for favours and all that and become really distant when favours cannot be done for you. It's quite strange that such things happen to me. Somehow, it affects my mood when i am thinking of how it would be like when i head back to Singapore. It's going to be another intensive round of immersion and trying to fit in again. But really, true friends would make you feel back right at home immediately. So i guess i am banking on my true friends, people who i can rely on for support, people who i know that i can call them up even at 4am in the morning and go for spontaneous outings wherever and whenever. That means i have a few days to discover who they are and where they really sit in my heart. So emotional huh? HAHA cannot help it. Having gone on exchange it makes me feel more sensitive and sometimes i have a different perspective than i used to have on life. I wonder if that is good. But in any case, i really wish to be rid of all these nonsense and be able to enjoy the remaining of my vacation. Not that everything is supposed to be this gloomy, but HECK I WILL LOVE MYSELF MORE. Perhaps it's time to re-organise my priorities. |
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