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Monday, March 02, 2009 / 11:02 PM
suicide During one of my lectures today, my professor was talking about how this NTU student had stabbed his professor before committing suicide by jumping off one of the buildings in his faculty. I was shocked, but decided to ascertain the news by googling for it and ended up seeing it reported on Channelnewsasia. Apparently, the student was in his last year in NTU, and the professor was his project supervisor. Some of my NTU friends were speculating that he must have done such an act because he was upset with his FYP results, some were saying he was too stressed over school and his grades. The thing was that he must have been really upset, to the point that he would assault his professor, slit his wrists and fall to his death. In school. Gotta show his wrath, his hatred for the school to have died this way. Of course, the professor is now being treated for his injuries, sent to the hospital and all. Flowers and fruit baskets will start streaming into his ward, possibly even inviting a news team and journalists for interviews. Get well soon and speedy recovery cards will overwhelm his desk and all, and perhaps when he is discharged, people will understand him and then all will soon start to forget that such an incident ever happened. Honestly, no one will even report more on the student, except to generate more buzz and to take up the headlines. Quite apparent in this evening's Lian He Wan Bao, where the front page was splashed with headlines saying NTU STUDENT STABS PROFESSOR, BEFORE COMMITTING SUICIDE. Ah, the media. This could be the most newsworthy thing that happened in Singapore campuses, among various other kinds of news. This is definitely less shocking than shooting incidents in USA, but enough to make me sit up and take a good hard look at the report. What made this student so upset that he contemplated death? Was it necessary to have done the things he did? Why did he not seek help? Where were his friends? His family? Was the professor too harsh on him? Did he receive enough attention from the professor since he was the supervisor of his FYP? Were there any signs and symptoms that may have foreshadowed this? Of course, it is easy to formulate questions and castigate those who are in some way or another involved in this incident. Honestly, i feel that it is by no means isolated. In fact, there could be more such cases happening in varying degrees. School is depersonalised, too many students to keep track of, friends don't pay enough attention to friends... So it is no wonder that the student contemplated dying as a solution to all his problems. Problems that seem to have no solutions and having no one to help him at all. The feeling of being so alone and helpless and unable to get out of this rut. Being thrown down a muddy pit and left to die or left to be eaten up by tigers. And perhaps it is because everyone is so competitive and selfish and superficial. No one bothers to slow down and take a check at another person. Just like how road accidents are like. Most people slow down their cars and see what is happening, what is the number plate of the vehicle that got smashed, has the person died or not, got blood or not etc... They slow down to watch the show, but how many people SLOW DOWN and get out of their car to HELP? Most of them just want to rush to the nearest betting station and write down the lucky numbers in order to have a better chance to win 4D. To say that society is merciless and blind is not an understatement. The fact remains that most people look out for themselves, and most aren't that generous to help others. Why should i do that? What do i gain? It's a sad sad situation. Durkheim would probably be interested to study about suicide rates in Singapore, and credit it to academic anomie? Haha. Sociologists may have explanations, but we don't really need them do we? Quite obvious its the stress of school work and expectations. It could also be that he had a nervous breakdown, therefore doing irrational things and harming himself. It is not too difficult to have a nervous breakdown, since the way some of us live our lives is pretty conducive to the germination of that. Like mine. There are also some who pretend not to know homework even though you know they are just hiding. If you are really that smart, giving others a little help won't make you any less good than you are now, unless you are not that capable enough. Wonder how will the student's parents and family take it? Guess they will really be heartbroken that their son has chosen this way out. They must feel reproachful even though it is not entirely their fault. As to who was complicit, no one really knows. Grades are such sucky determinants of one's capability. Why should we all be defined by alphabets? Numbers? Or even the "papers" that we have? Despite all these lofty talk, nothing will ever change. Because we are all so institutionalised that we fail to see beyond the horizon. People are hard to figure out. I prefer words. Labels: NTU, people, school, society, stress |
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Tuesday, January 27, 2009 / 11:38 PM
HAPPY CNY!  Oh i start school tmr! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Terrible. Gonna start radiopulze training tmr. Kind of freaked out and feeling super scared after looking at the training schedule.PHWOAR. Lots of new stuff to learn and skills to master, on top of having to navigate tasks and etc. Yikes i am actually quite nervous. Natural worrier i guess. And i figured i should not hanker after the impossible. Hehe it is best to remain in my place and do what i am supposed to do, live my life to the fullest and enjoy everything and everyone around me. Even if i dream the impossible, sometimes it is just not enough to materialise it. Even if i think about it all day and all night, some things are not meant to be, never will happen and are only in the state of the mind. Just like how Pecola yearns for blue eyes, she never gets them but ends up insane because of this obsession. I hope i don't tip over the edge too. Let me withdraw my hesitating foot. And i really enjoyed my chu er today at Z's place. So nice, so cute and so hilarious! Haha we had an awesome time making silly videos, videos that should NEVER BE LEAKED OUT. Haha but honestly even if it was uploaded to Youtube i couldn't care less. It'll give the viewers a good laugh and perhaps some evil comments. WHOO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Gonna brace up! Labels: life, people, school, videos |
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Sunday, December 14, 2008 / 2:48 PM
life talk I had a really great talk on Friday with a friend at Vivo. We had a really nice dinner and then proceeded to the open area to talk and catch up over ben and jerry's ice cream. It has been a while that i could talk to someone at this level since university started, and sometimes it's quite upsetting to not be able to find people who you can have a heart to heart talk with. Sometimes you just cannot click with that person no matter how much you wish you could. And sometimes you end up with a battered soul and a broken heart. We talked about our futures, what were we supposed to major and all. Honestly, she was right. We are talking about this and planning and discussing BECAUSE we care and are concerned about our futures. There are people out there who do not seem to care much because they choose to take it as it comes or they already have a path meted for them. Sing, dance, eat, party... some people can just enjoy life because they do not have to worry about it at all. They have a strong family to fall back on and they know that they will be fine anyhow. Sometimes i wonder how would it have been like if i had taken that path instead of this? Like if i was born in a different family how would i have turned out? Some people have it easy. They start 5 metres ahead of the starting line because they were born in influential and good families. Or they had some inherent talent that came with them and they are just better than others in so many ways. Having the upper hand, it is hard not to be condescending and self-righteous. At times, such talent makes them bossy, arrogant and blind. They choose to mix with a certain crowd to boost their popularity and confidence, while at the same time despise those who are not of the same category. And then there are the underdogs, who strive hard for their academic results and do their best to survive and adapt to this unequal world. But of course there are hybrids, people who are not here nor there. They are a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Confused? Angry? Betrayed? Upset? Social inequalities will always be around no matter how much we champion for our rights. Nothing is ever fair, regardless of how we complain and moan about it. It just never will be. And then all our uncertainties and fears will never be confirmed until they are realised and manifested in consequences and results. As i was telling my friend, we are all like little boats in the sea. Vast and borderless sea. We go where the tides and waves and wind may push us to, but at the meantime we try to steer ourselves in the right direction. However, we see no land ahead of us for now, so we cannot be sure of where will we end up. So what we can really do now is to just go with the flow, and keep our sight on the goal, the goal that we hope for. And while we all strive hard, sometimes it is essential to indulge in a form of escapism. Watching movies help to transcend us into a different world where there is a willing suspension of disbelief. Heroes are reverred, the good triumphs, lovers get reunited, the world is saved... such are typical of those who see the glass as half full. To those who see the cup to be half empty, go watch Hotel Rwanda. Or some apocalyptic movie where everyone dies and lovers separate and the world is taken over by a mysterious force and BANG its gone. I guess driving around helps too. Dancing, singing, running, eating, shopping... Do whatever it takes to make you happy without any dire consequences.
Labels: life, movies, people, school |
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Tuesday, December 09, 2008 / 2:07 AM
life in random thoughts ugh i cannot be bothered. I am tired emotionally, as if i have been on this tit for tat machine for too long. I cease to breathe, i get smothered. When will we ever break out of this trap? When will we ever open up our eyes and see what lies beneath the veneer of a normal life? Is this what we were supposed to have come to life for? Sometimes it takes a lot of courage and a little push in the right direction. And by right direction it means that it feels right to yourself and not to be judged with others' standards. Live instead of exist. Have we not all thought of doing something crazy or extraordinary for once in our lives? To really just ignore the weird looks cast by the majority and just break free for once. Be it getting a tattoo, going away for a trip by yourself, taking up a job that others deem "no prospects" and just do what you want and what you like. Somehow, that adventurous spirit gets hidden under the thick slabs of norms and expectations others impose on us, and these rules slowly become part of our lives as we allow them to be. We learn to conform, we learn not to break rules because we all want to be accepted and not rejected. We all have a little Jenny in us. I don't know how is it going to be like for me, but i am most certainly part of the crowd. Somehow when a part of you gets slighted for too long, it fails to restart and dazzle. When you are constantly shoved away and denied, it gets taxing in the long haul. Well, life is not really a box of chocolates. Nothing is dogmatic, especially sayings of the people. You know what you will get if you plan carefully and set out specific goals, but all you don't know is how things will turn out. And sometimes, i have to stop looking high. To not think too much of myself and learn to accept faults, or areas that fail to meet my requirements. Not to be so fickle and picky too. But damn it is not easy. I cannot make up my mind. Fail to decide. Unable to decide. And then we wish we all have a little Moby Dick in us too. Labels: life, people, situations |
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Wednesday, December 03, 2008 / 1:41 AM
gg OH MAN GOSSIP GIRL IS ADDICTIVE. And makes me put somethings into perspective. I realised how Blake Lively used the words "heightened reality" in most of her interviews whenever she is asked about GG. Well, that is not really true. Maybe the sex and the drugs part is exaggerated. But still the quality of the relationships in the whole series was very real. True and well, a tad explosive in nature. Honestly, i wish i was more like Serena in many ways. She is one neat character, she deals with her demons and try to help others deal with theirs. Not that she does a good job all the time, but still she tries her best. Gosh, i so don't wanna go all emotional and draggy right now. I just felt so so so stupid for having been so attentive and desiring for something, yet i got slapped in the face for it. It just makes me mad thinking about it. Like i have been a fool being toyed around for so looooong and in the end i get NOTHING.Perhaps i have learnt something, so that doesn't make it seem so wasted. Still, i feel dumb just thinking about things. My brother was just chiding me about it last week, saying that kids at our age should learn to take it. Not everyone can be who you hope they will be, and sometimes you just have to be prepared to get disappointed. He was telling me how i shouldn't be putting so much extra effort because a true friendship comes effortlessly. You don't force things, you don't make things uncomfortable. A true friendship is when honesty and trust take precedence over meeting up for lunch or go study together. Everything else is frivolous, like wearing socks over your shoes. Redundant. Frienships are meant to last when people truly connect, truly feel the sense of belonging to that bond. If people cannot commit and don't want to be part of the group, then its time to head out. Suck it all in, and walk away gracefully if you know you just can't and not be a bitch and bastard kind of thing. At least it makes everyone better off instead of being stuck in the mud. OHH. Fumes. Gosh. I feel so irritable at this moment. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Man i so need a breather. Some fresh air would do wonders. Clears up the mind and the accumulated dust. Sheesh. I guess interpersonal relationships are always complicated. Why should we make it worse? Like, stay. Dislike, leave. Ain't that simple enough? XOXO Labels: people |
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Monday, October 27, 2008 / 11:41 PM
sheesh Yay ARTS OPEN turned out really well, and i am so glad. There were so much camaraderie, sportsmanship and laughter, not to forget the merciless sunshine that was partly the effort of the onion, ginger and garlic. Haha. Teams played their best and gave it their all, and it was a nice and happy conclusion. Well i sort of felt that i didn't do my part well. Really apologies for any mistakes that i have made! Being such an amateur, i really have to thank sherman and taa and ivan for helping me generate the fixtures. And because of arts open, i stayed in school till around 5am in the morning, went home to bathe and came out again. My dad was up at about 4am and he was so concerned where i went. Haha! He thought what happened to me. And i wasn't even feeling tired or sleepy, just worried for the event and about the fixtures and all and the briefing. After a quick shower, countless persual of my materials, i headed out. First time in my life driving at 6am in the morning with no traffic and no pedestrians. NUS was just super quiet, with the road sweeper all up and cleaning the compounds. I went to recee the area and realised that many people in the halls were still up from the day before or just woke up. Then headed over to PGP to pick taa, sherman and sarah and headed to SRC, where the real action begins. Moved stuff here and there, confirmed places, waited anxiously for my officials, chatted nonsensical stuff and BAM ARTS OPEN BEGINS! It was pretty exciting to be captain's ball programmer and medic all at the same time because i was really "wanted". There were a couple of times people got injured and i was super ashamed because our first aid supplies were either unusable or not available. I tried to open the brand new Deep Heat cream and realised that it had SOLIDIFIED. -.-||| OK luckily there was the multi-purpose salonpas spray that was in hot demand the whole day. Really gotta do something about the first aid kits. The event progressed well, and it ended well too. Really glad. Then chionged home to bathe and took a nap. Went out to meet taa and then took a cab from clementi to aljunied for Terence's 21st birthday party. The both of us were seriously shagged from insufficient sleep and sunburn. Picked up mus and siang and then turned up. People thought taa and i were drunk cos our cheeks were red and our eyes bloodshot. Really sorry that we weren't enthusiastic in participating in the games cos we were sooooooo tired! Took a cab home and fell asleep. The taxi driver had to wake me up. Reached home, bathed again and went immediately to bed. SUNDAY: My mum shook me out of bed and had to accompany her. Super NOT enough sleep. Washed my car and all then started to do the SEA booklet. Tough job man. Developed a fever and well, that pretty ended my night of studying. Had to go to bed cos the headache and all were getting to me. Slept at about 4am. MONDAY: Woke up at 3pm and still felt really groggy. Cooked instant noodles to eat and delved straight back to work. Ugh. Am still trying to chiong my soci term paper. I realise that soci is the ONLY subject that leaves me in cold sweat and induces pangs of nausea and diarrhea in me. And it is always highly blogged about. Duh. Sigh. oh dear. i think i'm falling for you. |
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Friday, August 15, 2008 / 1:21 AM
apprehension Currently, I am trying to work out my timetable. It sucks because well, i don't seem to share much tutorial slots with anyone else. Not that it should be a major concern to anyone else, but i really think its a big deal. Imagine walking into the tutorial class and everyone is in their own cliques already?! Do you know how terrible that may be? Its gonna be deja vu all over again. I keep trying to synchronise timetables with my peers, but it seems like its a one-sided affair. I'm always asking and probing, trying to get into the same tutorial slot as them. But is there really a need to? Most people would tell me to just register for the tutorial slots that i want and heck care about the rest. Your timetable should work for you. And yet i keep thinking that it would be nice if i were to be in the same tutorial as my acquaintances, so at least it doesnt feel that daunting and work could actually be easier. But then it aint always that easy to begin with. Having to know new people from every class may be exciting, but it can be tiring too. How many times would i have to introduce myself and also take an effort to remember names and characteristics? Usually i'm open to meeting new people, but when it comes to work i get a little apprehensive. When you need to work in groups, it is always essential to have the right attitudes and personalities. I will definitely give my best in the group, cos i am responsible for my tasks and will also think for the rest of the group. But not everyone thinks in the same way. That is why i am troubled AGAIN. Quite irritated over this and well, as far as i could tell myself to just choose the tutorial slots that i want, i still cannot help but want to go for some tutorial slots with friends. And the meaning of friends gets blurred sometimes, because not everyone sticks around for you. Some choose to stay and wait for you to catch up, some run along while you make an effort to jog, while some choose to desert you when you feel like making an effort. SIGH. At the rate that i WORRY, i'll soon be 40. Gonna get some sleep and think about it tomorrow. Labels: people, school, thoughts |
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008 / 12:43 AM
just talking It really is the moon, or just the feel of the night. The velvety darkness that swirls around like a martini. Blocks of flats with dimmed lights and the distant sound of traveling cars. People on their way home at this time after long hours of work and toil, people heading home. Rooms without lights except the peaceful snores and patchwork of dreams. Here i am, sounding melancholic once again but typing away at my laptop. Not trying to sound like some depressed writer, I love writing late at night. Especially around this time. It just makes me feel like i am the only one awake, the only one yet to delve deep into the subconscious. While others are either resting their exhausted bodies, I am working mine, staying up late. I wonder how many others are just like me right now, doing their things and wondering what others may be doing too? It has been quite a year, although half of it has just passed. 2008 was a whirlwind and a year of firsts. I started doing relief teaching, and experienced many emotions and situations. Did things in a different way that i would have done as a student, said things to set things straight. I even got the chance to set the exam papers and see my name printed at the bottom of the front page. On my last day of work i got a HUGE bag of presents from my students, and i wasn't expecting anything. Brought only a small paper bag to retrieve all my stuff, but ended up borrowing an IKEA plastic carrier from a colleague to lug everything back. Felt frustration, anger, sadness and betrayal, but these only made life more eventful. Chingay was a blast for me, and i totally enjoyed myself, performing my best and having such great fun at the post Chingay party. Now NDP is finally coming, and i am really excited for it. Gonna graduate from ASD this saturday, but i am pretty sure my heart stays with all my IICs and fellow buddies and comrades forever. Seen people who are ignorant, angry, depressed, stupid, pretty, ugly, smart, thin, mean, cheerful and optimistic. Man, there are a whole lot more different kinds of people. Did some soul searching, and felt bad. Reviewed my financial records and cannot help but squirm uncomfortably at the balance. Browsed web pages and got some surprises. Like today, i didn't have a good driving lesson. The impatient and irritated tone of the female instructor almost had me to tears, but good 'ol Shuli persevered and managed to clear today's lesson. Challenges are a staple, like rice is to me. Oh i LOVE rice. Soup. Vegetables. Beef. Kimchi. Apples. Spicy food. Chicken. Magaritas. Nectarie. I'll bore you with the amount of things i can list that i really really adore and enjoy. School is starting soon, and like most of my friends I feel a little scared yet excited. I cannot wait to see how being an undergraduate is like, with the amount of studies and work (OK i sound like a geek here) and the lectures and all. Nervous about how i am going to bid (successfully) for all my modules, get along with people, meeting new people, surviving, widening my social circle, handling all the assignments... I'm scared and worried for EVERYTHING. That's just my nature, always worrying over the slightest thing and forgetting to look out. Like when i was learning how to cycle, i had the tendency to always look at the area in front of me instead of looking far. Now i know and i will. I guess there is no point thinking so much. Wasting brain cells and energy on unnecessary things. Efficiency here would be frowned upon by Adam Smith. Labels: feelings, life, people, school |
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008 / 8:14 PM
religion It is funny how a small little belief can bring about such mass destruction to everyone. Think about the slew of terrorist attacks. The main reason that sparked off everything, in my opinion, is that individual parties have differing views due to different religions. The terrorists believed in a certain way of life that clashes with the others, and what happens to those in between? They get hurt. This is the way things happen. I have two friends who have stayed together for a really long period of time, Ben and Anna. They have known each other since they were 18 years old, and for the record they are married. Married for 30 years already, so i guess they should be about 50 or so. Ben is a Taoist, while Anna is a Buddhist. They share different religions, although it seems like what they are practising is the same. Anyway, Ben loathes the fact that Anna is not a Taoist. He hates her being a Buddhist and always lambastes her for being such a devout Buddhist. He picks a fight with her all the time, just to fight about this whole religion thing. Everything leads to the religion issue. And the worst thing is that Ben and Anna have two kids who are in their teens already. So this whole quarreling thing has been giving them pressure over the years. They feel drained whenever they hear their parents quarrel over the stupidest thing. In fact, when i speak to them, i can really feel their frustration and a little hatred for their parents. They hate that they always fight and this interrupts their thoughts and they just cannot concentrate. They get so preoccupied with their parents' problems that sometimes they get so depressed and very disappointed. And of course, their fears are multiplied with the constant threats their father dish out to their mother about DIVORCE. I really dislike Ben. He never thinks from the side of Anna, and neither does he put in efforts to ameliorate the situation. I just hate his attitude, because he is being such an ASSHOLE. JERK. BULLSHIT. PIECE OF SHIT. BASTARD. I just cannot understand his mindset. He just refuses to accept Anna's religion and keeps forcing her to quit and join him. I feel that love should not be used this way. Anna loves Ben for who he is, not what religion he is in. So why can't Ben try to do the same too? Why does he have to keep forcing his ideals and way of thinking onto Anna?! He is being totally SELFISH and STUPID. Why the hype over what deity or doctrine to believe in? Why can't people just let live? Seriously, why be so concerned over the religion of a friend, lover or spouse? It is his or her perogative to choose which religion to follow. You should not even be criticising nor threatening someone to give up on her religion just because you "don't like it". WHAT NONSENSE IS THAT! Does Ben have any idea how much pain he is causing Anna and his kids just because of his stupid or bloody attitude? Of course he doesn't know because he is too busy caring about himself. He only cares whether he is happy or not, but gives a shit to what his family thinks. I just cannot accept this sort of mentality and willfulness. At his age, Ben should have thought better. And he still wants to divorce Anna?! He should take a good look at himself in the mirror and think more than twice. With all his "qualities", he should be glad that Anna even married him. Now he is turning his back on her. Whoa. Whenever i hear their problems, i just cannot help but feel angry yet sad. Angry that someone can be so obstinate and inflexible and fucked up; sad that their love cannot even conquer a religion issue. I don't know how their kids will feel towards their parents' divorce, but i think they will have a hard time. As for Ben and Anna, i can only feel sorry for Anna. She has suffered so much and endured so much, only to end up like this. Ben, is just incorrigible. Utter rubbish. So the next time i get a boyfriend, i shall get one from Soka. Guys from soka, do contact me :D |
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Monday, January 07, 2008 / 9:51 PM
zonked I have never really realised how much work that goes behind the scenes in so many professions. It may look simple on the surface but there is just so much more to it. The best analogy to use is that of swans. Swans may look graceful when they are in the water, seeming to be gliding across the water surface without much effort and maintaining their poise and elegance. But who knows how damn tired they are peddling their feet underneath the water? Anyway, i decided to get braver and think more positively. Not gonna let a small episode affect me in anyway. Just gotta learn how to get over some things. Feeling really beat everyday i come home. Exhausted and extremely sleepy. Guess its all the effort and energy that is poured out. Hope to get some sweet returns. Till then. |
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Saturday, December 29, 2007 / 9:20 PM
end of 2007 Well its nearing the end of 2007, a year of so many upheavals and stress and fears. I just wanna make good use of my humble blog to show my gratitude to some people in my life who have helped made a difference, be it major or minor.
Happy New Year Happy 2008! Labels: people, thanks, thoughts |
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007 / 4:24 PM
festive season without the mistletoe MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Today is christmas but i don't really have any plans. Guess i will be trying to get myself to do some spring cleaning for my room. Realised that many people have gone overseas for holidays, be it neighbouring countries or even further out. But poor shuli has only gone to malacca this year. And it was only a day trip that lasted 5 hours. Sigh sigh sigh, shuli wished she had done some travelling before she gets thrown into the rat race when the new year comes. Ha. I am so envious that i am now talking about myself in third person. My life has been boring these days, feel that nothing much is going on except for the twice-a-week Chingay trainings and also the visits to BBDC. Did some stuffs and now my BTT is pushed to Feb. ARGH!!! Dun wanna talk about that. Makes me wanna slap myself real hard. The Christmas BBQ at CSC on Sunday was really nice. Had a great gathering with all the swiss peeps over food. Glad that most people came, although i wished the six chicks were all present. Haha! It was just really heartwarming cos we all had so much to talk about and just kept the laughter going. Saw some people whom i had not seen in ages, so it was all nice. Had a rather entertaining ride home with Brandon driving. Man, this boy ah. Went clubbing with Jiyue, Michelle, Jorge, Jonas, Alvin, Candice, Diana, Yuanruo at MoS and well it was quite fun. The place was swarming with people and all i had ws this sweaty teenage girl bumping against me. Eww. But it was still fun cos i got checked out! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~some guys were cute too. Then i saw girls puking all over in the toilet and men pushing each other around. Whatever. But the craziest part is when Alvin got high and went into the dancefloor with Jonas, only to come back telling us that some caucasian guy was grating himself against him. That was just gross! But oh well, wish i had stayed longer but i had to go out early morning the next day. But it was really fun and wacky going clubbing with people you love! Did lots of homevisits this week for the upcoming SD Kenshu. Met some pretty nice people and some pretty curt ones, and had some pleasant surprises too. Got to hear some comments about this guy, and i thought it was pretty apt. I guess most guys go for looks. Anyway, i would not be updating often cos well, my laptop is all cranky and i cannot go online as and when i want. So gotta start looking for a new laptop before i start work (hopefully i can get a Vaio) as a teacher. And i haven got the paperwork done yet. Well, merry christmas and a happy and a happy new year to all! jia you shuli. Labels: christmas, life, people, soka |
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Sunday, December 16, 2007 / 12:50 PM
commercialise everything Everyone wants to be healthy and lead a happy life. We have heard of so many motivational and inspirational books on how the most essential thing in life is to be HAPPY and how easy it is to achieve it by following some of the rules stipulated in those pages. Well it is kind of hard to be happy nowadays, judging by the soaring oil and food prices, health scares over contaminated chocolate cakes and now, scary people trying to sell you the latest health products that guarantee you a perfect life. This was something i heard from a relative in the business of health products. She claims that her products are so good that you can even cure cancer and all sorts of illness without seeing a doctor. The products are mostly apparel that you can wear like wristbands, scarves, pajamas, socks, tights and even normal clothes. It has been said that they adopt a technology called "Negative Ion Technology", or in my understanding simply anions. This was something i studied back in Sec 3 in Chemistry, but i had no idea it has healing properties! Apparently, this lady says that we are always in contact with positive ions all the time, be it spending time in front of our computers or simply just watching TV. She gave me an example of how we can get anions infused in our bodies so that we get healthier: standing under a waterfall. She says that is the best way where we can get natural anions inside of us so that we cleanse up our system and better improve blood circulation. But since there are no waterfalls in Singapore and it is a tad inconvenient to stand under a waterfall, we should wear her products because it is good for our healths. Wait a minute, i am getting skeptical. How can you improve your health by just wearing a piece of cloth that is said to have anions that heal? In my entire existence, i have been taught that the only way to achieve a healthy physique is regular exercise, balanced diet and also lots of laughter everyday. And i have been subscribing to that notion all this time. How dare you come and tell me something so radically different and so unbelievable? And the worst thing is that she does not have any material to back up her claims about this technology because there have been NO scientific reports nor institutions who have recognised and endorsed this technology. So you cannot really blame me for not trusting testimonials and this sort of thing. I most certainly don't wanna wear something that may be unsafe or even endanger myself. Because of my cynicism, this relative sometimes gets angry with me. But i just cannot stand her way of introducing her products to her friends and how obsessed she is. It freaks and disgusts me sometime. Still i remain skeptical and cool towards this sort of technology and for now, i refuse to give it some worth. It is just too fantastical and sounds too much like something out of a story book. Too naive and shallow. And it revolts me so much that she is pumping so much money into this line and making herself sound so good, like what she is asking you to wear will save your life and you will be eternally grateful to her wonderful recommendation. HA HA HA. What a scam. So now whenever she sees me, she keeps promoting her products and kind of coerces me to wear them. Whatever. I just try to refrain rebutting her about her "belief" and just keep quiet whenever she talks about her miraculous products which cost a whopping big stack of $50 notes. Its just crazy. Sigh... I wonder how she is managing her finances. But for now i guess i should just keep her at arm's length. *** Ok this is gonna be a super long entry but i still want to talk about this. I really wonder what teenagers are up to nowadays. Just this morning, i was reading the papers when i saw an article regarding teens and their wild partying ways. Parties that are held at home are becoming the norm, and most of these parties are held at clubhouses in condominiums and mostly catered to teens 18 and below. Booze, cigarettes and drugs are readily available and you just need to pay to use them. One teen interviewed said he even saw a boy and a girl having sex on the hallway, with all their private parts exposed in full view of "65 other party-goers". Whoa talk about "Sex on the Beach". This one is more fierce. So i got flabbergasted, and my jaw hit the table as i read the article. Then i started to recall my days when i was only 14 years old and in Secondary 2, and the most i did was to go bowling at CDANS and maybe just walk around in shopping malls like Jurong Point, Westmall, Lot 1, Causeway Point and the occasional Orchard Road trips. As for staying out, i hardly do that. The latest i returned home was 10.30pm, and that was after my weekly tuition lessons at Jurong East. Not once did i stay out late nor returned home in drunken stupor. I was no doubt, well-mannered and obedient, and stayed within the rules. Some may call that geeky and a social outcast, but i liked the way i lived my life. I didn't have to go for rave parties and down drinks after drinks. I didn't have to swallow pills nor snort plants to get "high". And most importantly, i don't make out with some guy who is drunk and obviously wants to cop a feel. I don't know about how others think, but i liked my behaviour. Well maybe its because most teens are more liberal and they think differently. Some may feel that pre-marital sex is something to be despised on, while others may have already done it several times. I still stick to my guns and principles. Even if i go to Clarke Quay with my friends, i may portray an image that i do not want, but deep down i am still conservative and still like to stay within the laws. I like to play it safe la. Then the other day when i was on the bus home from a SD meeting, i was unfortunately seated near a bunch of teenagers who were talking really loud and their conversations were interspersed with colourful language that really stung my ears. They talk like they were some triad members, saying that they will teach whoever a lesson blah blah blah. It was really stupid to hear them talk like that, and wonder why do they want to behave this way? I felt so terrible listening to the guy at the back speak on him cellphone. I mean he was literally shouting as if he owned the bus. He was talking about relationships stuffs but i cannot be bothered to listen to it. The whole time they were speaking in really fragmented English, which may be the wrath of their English teachers. They couldn't spell simple words and used really poor grammar and not to mention, their lack of vocabulary. Gosh. OK. Guess i shall not be such a busybody. It is anyone's choice to live and behave the way they want. Just hope that they can restrain themselves at times and not disturb other people. When we keep quiet about your behaviour it does not mean that we are cowards or losers who dare not castigate you. Sometimes, we just want to save ourselves trouble and effort, so we just bear with it. As young and educated individuals with a strong attitude, these youths should learn to well, manage themselves. |
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Wednesday, October 24, 2007 / 10:53 PM
fine line There is a fine line between a friend and a comrade. From now onwards i am going to ignore all the negative vibes that people emit and i will deflect all of them away. True, friends do not support you as much as comrades do. Friends have vested interests and they utilise the people around them. Conversely, comrades are self-sacrificial and they share the same life philosophy as you. They are willing to go the extra mile and they are always there to lend you their shoulders. And i have had a taste of it today. Some people just can be so helpful and amiable towards others, genuinely showing care and concern to their well-being and mental state. Some are just patronising and they do it for "face" and formalities. With that, i can feel the hemisphere above me welling up in tears and going into a winter solstice. But anyway, Teck Khiang is right. Your friends who take the a levels with you are not comrades because you do not need each other to pass the exams. They can still live on fine even if someone else fails it. So what you have to do is to persevere on, have the stand-alone spirit and tackle the A levels by the horns. I guess i will be having more me-time, trying to revise more for the imminent exams and confirm myself in this world of flux. YOU CAN DO IT, SHULI!!! |
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Wednesday, October 10, 2007 / 10:23 PM
older people Today was just one of the many instances where i am confronted with two old fogeys who seem to have the mentalities of toddlers. And that really sent me through the roof. You know how young children behave, they cry when they do not get what they want and sometimes pretend to cry by scrunching up their tiny faces so that you'll give in to their whims. Some fight over the most inane things, like if Classmate A used B's eraser because she couldn't find hers and B will just start castigating her and then the two break into a mini squabble. Sometimes when a kid is deprived of an opportunity to go on a ride or buy an ice cream they either throw tantrums or start giving you a "face". Well i thought that was quite common when they were children. I didn't know it spills over to middle age. Maybe its the kind of world we live in. Too much competition, too much stress and too much suspicions. We tend to over-suspect on every banal issue, like if the auntie washed her hands before preparing hor fun for you, or if the China-made garment you are wearing is fire-proof, lest you turn into a ball of fire at BBQ. Anyway, we have too much considerations ALL THE TIME. No one bothers to think SIMPLE. Or to just forgive and forget. And act like an adult instead of trying to superimpose ideas on others, when yours are OBVIOUSLY flawed. The two old fogeys happened to be related to me in a certain sort of way, but due to some reasons i shall not specify their identities. But subsequently, those who know me enough should be able to fathom who they are and even if you don't, good for you. On a fine fine evening, two old fogeys quarreled over some phone call Fogey A had made to B's relative. B is having some problem and well, the call pissed him off. It made things worse!, i quote. A didn't see what is the big deal over a phone call because she was concerned and she had wanted to know what was going on, but B had wanted to settle things by himself as he has the capacity to do so. So they squabbled, and B was furious and yelled at A to mind her own business because he does not need her "concern". After that i talked to A, and told her to perhaps step away from this issue, as B obviously wants to resolve his problems by himself. A doesn't see what is wrong with her action, and is indignant that B is so angry with her. See how adults behave over such a small matter? I thought it was silly and uncalled for, because what sort of influence would a damn call make to B's life? It was just a harmless act, and it was in the best interests of B. However, i felt that B was right to feel angry, because it seems like A is trying to pry into his business by asking others what had happened to him. It just doesn't feel good when someone seems to be so "busybody" and "kaypoh" when you just want to keep a low profile and do things your way. The thing i don't get is why are they always so hyped up about something that is so MINOR? It always has got to do with something really insignificant, like why didn't you put back the chairs properly? Why did you leave the fan on? Why didn't you ask for my permission? Why did you touch my things? Why didn't you tell me where you had gone to? Bollocks. And i get a daily dosage of them. It baffles me the way some adults think and work. Its as if their minds are in a vacuum and their egos are hung up high. They do not take you seriously, thinking that you wouldnt be able to inderstand their plight because you are "still young", "you will know it when you are married" and stuff like these. They do not bother to even consider your suggestions that may help to improve their attitudes and moods because they have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice (Chinese saying). Just preoccupied with their traditional thinking and pride, so much so that they will not condescend to listen to your views. So my stance would be to take a step backwards and watch the two "fight like dogs", quoting from a family member. After all, if two dogs don't see eye to eye with each other and always tries to bite the other's tail, there is nothing much we can do about it. Just watch them fight lah. After they are done barking at each other, they will take a rest and re-charge, and wait for the next matter that triggers off their barking mechanisms. It seems like they live to fight. And my heart always skips a beat and i feel the monstrosity of the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach whenever i hear elevated voices. But then, it is anal to be so disturbed by such silly distractions. They do nothing to help me remember more vocabulary, solve more Math problems or write excellent essays. I guess this is just life huh? There will always be the brainer and the no-brainer stuff. And if you so happen to fall for the no-brainers, pick yourself up, dust away the mediocrity and be jocose. You only get to live once, so make the full use of it man. And as i am brushing away the dirt from my clothes, it is time to dive back into my books. To fit into the middle echelons of my 1989 batch, the endless consultations, brain-frying and drooling at my desk is totally WORTH IT. This also goes out to all who have yet to add me on Facebook: ADD ME NOW! |
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